159 Months

         My dad's funeral was exactly one year ago today. I found it very special or sign in some way that it was on the 16th. He would always tell me on the 16th or day after that he read her/my blog and then text that he thinks of her every day. I envision he probably watched the sunrise a hundred times and thought of her too. Maybe they get to watch it together now... I am itching to go home; I can't wait to go to the lake (even in the freezing wintry cold) and see a majestic sunrise over Lake Michigan for Lola and my dad. A way to keep their memories alive...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

158 Months

         The International Wave of Light was yesterday, honoring babies around the world who died during pregnancy, were a stillborn, or died as an infant. Our candle glowed for an hour in honor of our sweet Lola. Milo wants to know how much longer we can use this same candle, possibly for eternity. As Finley blew out the candle at the end of our precious time, he sweetly whispered, "I wish you were here." Those are the times you are holding back your tears and trying to smile. I think as my boys grow up, they will continue to honor their sister's memory, at least that is my hope. Even today they both threw pennies into the Epcot fountain for her. Lola sure would have had fun with them! One can only dream...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

157 Months

 This week I had the pleasure of volunteering at school picture day at the boys' school. It was such a joy to help the students get ready for their picture. I had middle school kids, second graders, third graders, and all the Special Ed students. I just have such a soft spot in my heart for those students. Just trying to get them to look at the camera, not be afraid, or smile was a huge task. Jingling keys, squeaking a mouse, and having combs in the air...we knew the picture was special for their parents. As I walked out of the gymnasium it made me think of an instance after Lola passed that really hit home. One nurse had come into my room saying you know she would have never "been okay" if she had made it through, I remember wanting to shout at her that I didn't care, why would she ever say that. I would have been happy if Lola was here regardless.  People say all the wrong things in time of grieving. I have learned sometimes no words, are the best words.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

156 Months

     Thirteen., the age Lola would have turned today. Priceless, the words written on the tag of the pink roses we purchased for her. Sad, the feeling that still has not gone away after all these years. I wish in a perfect world we could celebrate her birthday in a more "normal way."  Instead, every year on August 16th I try to find joy and some peace in keeping her memory alive and honoring her.  We donated fitted crisp white twin bedsheets, pink plush towels, dryer sheets, and lemonade packets to the Salvation Army in Lola's memory. I got sweet notes of others doing random acts of kindness in her memory too. The rose attached to her name at Shaw Park in Sheboygan, coffee for a stranger, popsicles at the bus stop, and a beer for the guy next to a friend on an airplane. We brought our five pink roses to the Celebration Memorial Garden and placed them next to statue of the little girl. Jp placed his rose in her hand, it was beautiful. At the end of the day, we lit her candle. Milo said Grandpa probably had a great birthday with Lola because we know how much he loves birthdays! I hope that is true. Happy Birthday Sweet Lola.

Love, 

The Mother of an Angel

155 Months

       This has been an absolute whirlwind in the last 48 hours for our family. I was awoken this morning by my phone loudly ringing and rattling against the table, it was a call letting me know our luggage was back in Orlando. I must have been in such a deep sleep because as I grabbed for the phone everything on my nightstand came with it except the lamp. My glasses, remote control. devotional, and my framed picture of Lola. It came down with a loud crash! That is the first thing JP said to me, "Kim, Lola's picture fell!" As I hung up the phone and gathered myself together, I picked up her picture. It was laying right between the bed and nightstand, the tricky tight squeeze of a spot but it was untouched and still perfect. I let out a sigh and smiled back at her. I placed the shimmering golden frame right back where it belonged, close to us. All was good....it was a such a reminder that things will be okay, just like these crazy last couple days of our lives. Thanks Lola...

Love, 

The Mother of an Angel

154 Months

 I am embarrassed to say that I missed yesterday's post on the 16th for Lola Grace, maybe the first time. I feel guilty about it, as it was always my commitment and promise to Lola to blog on her day and every month. As I went for a brisk walk this morning, it dawned on me. It was June 17th and I had missed it! Almost an instant panic set in and a soft whispered apology to Lola.  Definitely not an excuse but I was so exhausted from this recent Wisconsin trip.  My mind was in shambles. I guess sometimes life just gets in the way or takes our minds in a million different directions. Last night I still prayed to God to say Hi to Lola for me and that I miss her, my nightly routine. So missing this one time, I'm telling myself isn't so bad, though I never want to do it again. I love Lola and miss her everyday.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

153 Months

 We found a penny on Mother's Day just as we were purchasing 27 blue perennials for our home. A penny on that day is a little extra special angel touch!So now every time we water our new flowers or sit from our front porch gazing at the yard, it makes me think of that special Mom's Day penny. I know I will never receive an amazing handmade card from Lola or small gift she made at school, but that one penny is my never-ending sign from her.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel