“Eleven in Heaven.” That has been my constant thought all day. Has it really been eleven years since we held Lola and last saw her beautiful angelic face? Sadly, it has. Last night I tossed and turned in bed, the days match up this year, Saturday evening into Sunday morning. The same as eleven years ago. If I could somehow change it, I would. If I could repeat that night, I often think maybe there was someway it could have all been different. Maybe she could still be here...I will live with that thought for the rest of my days on this earth. She is just the missing piece of our family and hearts and that will never change. For a Mom, it will never heal.
I told Milo and Finley we were celebrating Lola’s birthday this weekend. Milo being so sweet said, “I wonder what she would be like...” He thinks she would be a VISCO girl, would have claimed the bedroom with the attached bathroom, and probably would boss them around because that is what big sisters do. Finley thinks she would be fun to dance with, maybe they would look the same. I bet she would be all those things and more. If she was given the chance, I would imagine she would be more grateful and humble than we know. Probably how we all should be everyday...
We went for an early morning walk on the beach for Lola. This year we decided to just do the single pink rose for her in the ocean, and Milo writing her name in the sand with a heart and number 11. It was a rainy morning, but of course the rain produced a beautiful shimmering rainbow. We could see the beginning of it to the end, perfectly over the turquoise crystal waters. I think that was our Lola sign. As we walked the shores, we found many shells to add to our collection. One that I found was called a pen shell. It has two halves and almost resembles a heart when the two pieces are folded out. We found only one side, Milo thinks Lola has the other part. The interior surface of it also has a little bit of a rainbow shine to it, it will always remind me of Lola's 11th birthday.
Our family decided to donate a car seat to an organization in Sarasota called Mothers Helping Mothers for her birthday. It was an item on their wishlist and the boys both thought it was nice to give an item that would keep a little boy or girl safe. I signed the card, "The Doepke Family -Lola."
Eleven years. 4,015 days. 132 Months. Whatever way we put it, it seems like an eternity. There is not a day and will never be a day when I don't think of Lola Grace Doepke. Wishing she was here everyday, hour, and second that she has been gone.
Happy Birthday Lola!
Love,
The Mother of an Angel
