17 months....

Just typing that, it seems like 17 is such a big number but 17 months is just a small fraction of a babies life. Could you imagine where we would be with Lola at that point? Pigtails, Dolls, and Lolipops...that would be my guess. I bet heavenly angels have all those things and more! And here we are 17 months later, amazing how your life changes and no matter how blessed we feel, I can honestly say that not a day goes by where there are not tears in my eyes for Lola or just a sad face accompianed with that "lump" in your throat. That sadness just never fades away.

As I talk about numbers, here we are in a new year, its 2011. I thought about the past years....
2009-2010-year of healing
2010 (the end) - year of hope
2011-year of moving ahead


We did have some amazing Lola moments, as I like to call them that ended and started the new year. To good not to share, ones that make you smile when you think of them and stay with you in a good way. Those are great LOLA days.

Our angel tree (new name for our christmas tree) was so beautiful this year and we love the angel ornament gifts we receive. They are my favorite presents, filled with love and light. I carefully chose our Lola ornament this year, a little angel with sparkling gold on it!!! I then recieved the SAME EXACT angel from my best friend back in Wisconsin...I thought what are the chances of that happening. It was so special and I thought how neat every year when we unpack those 2 identical angels I will always think of that special moment. I also received an angel from my Grandparents, that said " Everytime a Bell rings an angel gets its wings."
What a Christmas classic and I do think of Lola everytime I hear a bell duing the holiday season. On Christmas Eve we opened our presents, and here again was this SAME angel wrapped up from my Dad. I don't think I spoke for a moment, I was so taken back. I knew Lola had sent us a Christmas message of Love, it just made me feel like for that one moment she was truly with us, she had it all planned. I don't think this could ever happen again or would I have ever dreamed it, kind of like a Christmas miracle.

Lola Moment Number 2.....

We were at Milo's 2 month check up appointment, when our pediatricain...Dr. Jill stopped and said....can I ask you something personal??? I remember thinking, what am I doing wrong.....and she proceeded by asking how it is with Milo after losing a child? I remember thinking for a moment, possibly more grateful, more cautious, more worried. Jp chimed in by saying now he feels he can breath again, like Milo will be okay. She then went on to say that 3 years ago on Christmas day a family here in Monterey lost their child to vasa previa and velementous insertion. I had heard of the story from a nurse in the hospital when we donated lola caps for the nursery....She went on to say that it is so rare and they cannot believe they have had 2 cases of it here. They were discussing our cases recently and she wanted to tell us, that they also go to the same pediatric office and have gone on to have 2 children. She thought maybe we could talk and she was going to pass on my information to their Dr. For a moment, I thought how crazy it was that out of all the pediatric doctors to choose from, we chose the same practice for our other children. So I hope she may call or email....but I know how painful it can be. After this appointment I think I cried for 2 days in a row. It is okay though, I like when people mention her name and want to hear her story. Milo that day received his shots. Dr. Jill carefully placed a butterfly bandage on one and a racetrack bandage on the other....a butterfly I thought, that is the symbol of infant death. Oh Lola! Then we got in the car to head home and as the radio came on, it hummed the song of a Wonderful World. Lola's Song.....these are the beautiful moments.


Angels speak to us, they really do!