54 Months

Good Byes.

Why are they always so hard? There are the day to day good byes, the see you soon good byes,the "your moving" good byes, and then those what seem so permanent good byes. Some that can bring you to tears just thinking of them or anticipating the moment...

I think that is one thing I struggled the most with Lola- it was so permanent, it was real. I didn't want that good bye. I just had all these dreams of what life would be like with this little girl, it was supposed to be our new and growing family. In a way I could think how selfish of me, I loved her beyond words. Then I read this quote yesterday that really got me thinking , " Try not to focus on what you have lost but on what Lola has gained." It's still hard, still 4.5 years later but if heaven is all I hope it is- than I have to picture this smiling joyful little girl having the best days imaginable!

This morning Milo and I saw this white feather float from the sky as we were waiting outside the store,  we were hand in hand. It was pretty neat to see it fall so gently- almost out of nowhere! I'm taking that as an angel sign today, and JP has found 3 pennies in the last week as well. Those little things make me feel like I haven't lost Lola, she just gets to "talk" to us in other ways.