48 Months

The day has arrived, 4 years later here we are. It's Lola's birthday. I have thought a lot the last few weeks about this journey, the one where you are trying to discover your role and who you are. Life could never be the same without Lola Grace. So now maybe 4 years later maybe I should reintroduce myself. I have become a different wife, mother, daughter, and friend. I try not to dwell on life's fixable moments. I try to live in the moment. I worry a lot. I smile. I love sunsets. I love seeing a butterfly in my yard. I cry. I blog. I plant white flowers in all my pots in memory of Lola and angels. I say I love you Lola out loud every night. I cringe when people ask me if milo is my only one. I love to be organized. I collect angel ornaments. I love finding pennies from heaven. I am more grateful. I am hopeful. I pray a lot. I love taking pictures. I sit in the church once a week to check in with God and Lola. I dream again. I love. I am happy. I am sad. I don't believe in happily ever afters. I try to live my life with "grace" in my heart. I adore life. I am forever incomplete. I have learned our life will always be a mix of a million emotions. There are good days, bad days and days where I wish all the tears could bring her back to us. I have accepted this is God's plan. So today I also chose to celebrate her memory and know what an inspiration she is to me. Our annual Lola traditions of four balloons to heaven journeyed through the Florida Keys, One pink rose drifted out to sea and A candle lit at the church glowed in her honor. Four pennies were dropped into the fountain and happy birthday song was sung as we listened to the ocean and smiled at the sun peeking out of the clouds. Our donation this year for Lola was to the Florida Keys Animal Shelter. It honors not only Lola but the extreme dedication and love of our little dog Louie. He seemed to be our number one support team after we lost Lola. He is truly a blessing in our lives. Milo had the best time picking out fun dog toys and supplies-he was so excited to celebrate this day. My favorite moment was seeing him wave good bye to Lola's balloons. Maybe he just knows... Happy Birthday Lola. Thank you for remembering this beautiful angel! Make every moment count. Love, Mother of an Angel