Hallelujah

It always seems like this day comes too quickly, it sneaks up on you....though I could sit and premediate what the day would be like, it will always be full of twists and turns. I looked at Lola's picture today, held it and without warning tears overwhelmed me. As I looked back at the picture one of tears rested gently on the glass of the frame, almost bubbling. It was a striking moment, a sad and surreal moment.

I read a story awhile back, that a person was afraid to die because they feared people would forget them and never remember them, they didn't want to be forgotten. I will never forget Lola. When I read that story I promised to her and myself that would never happen. She will not become a memory. Part of the reason my days always begin with a cheerful, "Good Morning Lola...Hope is Heaven is Good Today." My dearest friend told me yesterday, Lo is always with you...she is so right, I need her as much as she needs me.

JP downloaded a song last week and he went on to tell  me he did it right away b/c the album was named Grace...it was special to him. The song is Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley- awesome and I know you've heard it! You know life doesn't always have a fairy tale ending but despite it, we still reach out.......and maybe offer a hallelujah.....

Another angelersary for our angel....

A day for Lola........

Hope has a place...

I am sitting here on my couch staring out the window, wind in the air and the beautiful sun shining on the ground......some of my last and best memories are right here on this same couch with Lola, in this same living room as we watched a movie before going to bed and watched Lola throw endless punches and kicks. I remember laughing, wondering if we would make good parents and filled with anticiapation and excitment.

So now 7 months and 3 weeks later, I will cherish the memory. Lola has taught me how to love every moment and never take it for granted. This Saturday also represents the last Saturday I will sit in this room and think the same thought that I have every time that day of the week rolls around. I refuse every Saturday night to even engage in the living room, watch tv there or even be on the couch. I'll never forget the memory but we are moving next Saturday. Ironic, maybe...or sometimes I think her way of saying let there be more Satudays full of laughter, love and hope...she is still with us everyday. So that is my way of saying hope has a place...not that it lies in a 4 sided building or the place we call home but it rests in our heart. My life depends on my hope, my faith and my belief in the power of prayer...

So here is to next week, JP tells me it is going to be the start of good things...I'll believe him or at least hope it's true. I do think there maybe a tear as I leave, ( not that I am for one moment sad to leave this house) but as painful as it is to remember looking at certain spots here will always be a place of Lola memories...

No one said it would be easy...

It is strange to be lost, I guess that is the way I would kind of describe how I often feel. No one said it would be easy...

Spring is around the corner...even I hear in Wisconsin :) I have noticed flowers in full bloom here, yellow, purple, pink, white.....the colors of all the new life. Butterflies in full vengence, that almost seem to flutter and follow you as I walk along the streets with my Louie...sometimes two of them captivate you as they almost fly in perfect unison. The things that still can make you stop and take a breathe! We can always count on those things to happen so I guess even though I am so lost in life and thoughts, it is nice to have your faith renewed in the little things.

At my trip to the beach this morning I found sea glass, it is really pretty. I know that it will be there after a storm and when the waves have been  larger than normal. When you find a piece it is actually kind of magical. It is smooth, no rough edges. And then I heard this song today, sometimes things just make sense...sometimes you're meant to find things. Everything is connected.....

"Along the way, the turns are sharp,
No one said it would be easy.
And the path I have made,  from the grass to the grave
I will love you still
When the sand turns to glass
And All is left is the past
I will love you still...."