43 Months

I always miss Lola. Everyday, every second, every moment, I can't think of a time when my thoughts don't lead back to her. It's just that something is missing, I have realized I never feel whole. There is a never a day where my heart does not sit in a little sadness or where your mind wanders to how things could be. And then you get angry...it's a cycle. Sometimes I would like to be that little girl who could stomp her foot and say this isn't fair because that is certainly how I feel. It's strange how grieving works, I mean here we are 81 posts, 3.5 years later and I still get mad? There are still days I cling to JP in tears. I keep telling myself, someday it will be okay.... I also though spend a lot of my days in complete joy and amazement of life. Milo, his eyes, laughter and smile will always melt my heart. And then there is Louie, I mean could that little white fluff ball be any cuter or sassier. And then there is JP, hands down the most amazing man I have ever met. I am lucky. I have these beautiful angels on earth. I also have an angel in heaven. It is an amazing family to be a part of. We went swinging at the park a couple days ago. I would say hands down, swinging is the best. Close your eyes, flying in the air and the site of the blue ocean ahead. Milo in the toddler swing & JP and I in the big kid swings. If we could have pumped high enough to heaven maybe we would have... It was all giggles and laughter. Milo thought it was pretty funny his mom and dad could swing too! We got off our swings after quite some time and JP looked down at the ground by his swing and there was a shiny penny. Looks like we had a family day at the park after all. It's pretty special the signs God gives us and lo too. Thanks for swinging with us Lola! Love Always- Your Mom