10 Months for an angel!

These are the days when I feel I can set everything aside...escape in my own world and look over Lola's pictures a million times. I always let my imagination wander, what would she look like now, what would be going on in our lives....what would be her newest tricks. I dream of those things and moments our family is missing.

I see babies around her age and wonder often what happened that things went so wrong for us, like there isn't always a million questions and what ifs constantly floating around in my head already. I think that is the way life will be for me personally, not a day goes by where i don't think of her or can break into tears in a moments notice. I guess that probably defines what a lot of angel parents go through daily....at any age or time. The feeling never goes away.....

We defintely do things at our own pace, last night I put together most of Lola's book. For months and months, I stared at it...probably making excuses. Last night I just had to do it, I cried the whole way through...every picture, everything she touched.....at a point I just had to put it away but not without 2 looks before I could go even go to bed. Running your fingers across the pictures, trying to smile at a memory when you can literally taste your tears. So a work in progress.....not to be rushed.

I don't write in here often enough, I seem to reflect everyday on what path our lives have taken. The Good and the bad.

I received these awesome pink fuzzy slippers from JP, Louie and Lola for Mother's Day. They are the warmest most comfortable slippers.....I wear them around the house all the time. It had a sweet card filled with butterflies, it was really special. I think she gave her Dad a great idea.....now everytime I slip on those fuzzy slips I think of her and my first Mother's Day. Still a Mom no matter what....just maybe a more special one. And the same for JP this upcoming Father's Day....

Our lives are full of Love and I think it only radiates from heaven when the sun shines down.

So as always, today is Lola's day!!!!