129 Months

Last week was Mother’s Day, in all honesty a day I wish we would just skip. I love my boys with all my heart and am blessed to be their Mom. I know they love and appreciate me. I just don’t need a special day to be told that. I can see it in their eyes and daily hugs, or when they call out “mom” A million times a day) Mother’s Day reminds me of what was to be my first Mother’s Day in 2010. To the rest of the world I did not look like a mom . I cannot even describe the sadness I felt, I wished the day would be over as quick as it began. So ever since that first Mother’s Day I feel like I have taken on the role of the invisible mom. I am Milo and Finley’s mom but Lola’s too. People forget that, don’t know that, or just guess from what they see. I carry Lola in my heart everyday day, not in my arms or holding her hand walking down the street. I am the invisible mom. Even though we say “Happy Mother’s Day” it doesn’t always feel that way for the moms that have lost their children, long to be a mom, or have lost their own mom. There will always be something missing from that day...

Love,
The Mother of an Angel

128 Months

 Sometimes we need to see the good in bad. Sometimes we need to not sweat the small stuff. Sometimes we just need a good cry. Those are words to live by right now. For a long time and still, I struggle with seeing any good that came from loosing Lola. There really is nothing...I don’t believe it was her time, I don’t think she was better off in heaven, but I don’t have all the answers either. She did bring such light to focusing on the positives things in life. I often tell people when something is going wrong, “it could be worse.” I am sure that could be borderline annoying, but isn’t that the truth? Right now we are all living in a time that we never imagined. That’s where I challenge anyone who is reading this to see the good in the bad. Not to sweat the small stuff, but always give yourself  the chance for an ugly cry. When it may seem like this will never end... close your eyes and picture Lola. It will be okay, because things could always be worse. I love that she is the “light” of my life!

God Bless and Love,

The mother of an Angel

127 Months

There is so much going on in the world right now...Unimaginable things. As some grumble and complain about our temporary “new norm,”  I am going to continue to look at it from a fresh  perspective. I know how it feels to loose a child, a mom, and grandparents. I would never wish that same pain on any human being. When we see the daily statistics of new cases and deaths, those deaths have a name and story. They are someone’s mom, dad, grandparent, best friend, or maybe even child.  When we lost Lola our worlds stopped, mine stopped. If the least I can do is stay in my house now with my two boys- it is okay. I’m actually excited to spend quality time with them, usually our worlds are such a rush, but now we have slowed it down to 5mph. And that’s okay with me!
We never know what anyone is going through, but we do all have a story. I have so many chapters to mine, Lola being a huge part of it. God bless her and everyone...we will get through it.


Love,

The Mother of an Angel

126 Months

Every Tuesday and Thursday for the past month,  Finley and I have volunteering at Milo’s school for mileage club. It has actually been a lot of fun, but what I enjoy most is watching Milo do something he enjoys, running. I’m pretty sure I could not keep up with him anymore,  or I would be winded after the first mile. Working mostly with the third graders, we sit and scan their running tag each time they come around the circle. I told JP there is a Lola in running club, and every  single time she picks my line to scan her tag. She is darling and so polite  I have yet to meet another Lola until now....
When I hear or see the name  Lola, I automatically think of “my Lola.” . That sweet little angel, the one and only. ❤️ It’s a beautiful, unique name!

Love,
The Mother of and Angel

125 Months

Every night we pray for Lola. I ask God to let her know we are thinking of her, miss her, and please give her a hug from her mom. I hope this happens, I can almost imagine it. I have this feeling deep in my soul that each day she needs to know someone on earth is thinking of her, even if everyday it is me. That she is never forgotten. People move on, their lives move on...but there is something about loosing a child that never makes you move on. It is tattooed permanently on my heart. When I have a moment of peace in my everyday routine, I tend to think of Lola. Maybe that’s because she’s at peace as well...it is our common meeting ground.

Love,

The mother of an angel

124 Months

It is hard to believe that Christmas is right around the corner. We are into the single digit countdown at our house! I feel like we have checked most of our boxes on our holiday “to do” list, and now I am patiently awaiting for the day to sit in front of Lola’s tree and really enjoy it, slow down a bit. I love her tree. Everything about it is perfect... beautiful, shimmery, and stunning. Just as I imagine her. Though it is Lola’s tree, it also has taken on the role of a “remembrance tree” of others. Those we have lost, friendships, family, and years that have gone by. Each time we place an ornament on the tree I know who gave it to us, sometimes even  the year. It is great to think of my Mom, our grandparents, and even Louie with our special Lola  angel tradition. Holidays are hard, even 10 years later....

I am happy to report, I’m half way through my annual reading of the Christmas Box. I love that story! We also have dropped off our toys at Toys for Tots. Now, I’m just waiting to hear a bell ring....because every time a bell rings an angel gets their wings.

Happy Holidays!

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

123 Months

The past few days have felt like winter has arrived in Florida. It’s a welcomed change! Kids running around outside playing, sweatshirts, hoodies, and long pants. ( these maybe a few of my favorite things! ) There are even a couple houses in our neighborhood that have some Christmas decor displayed in their yards. I started my search for our Lola angel ornament a couple of weeks ago,  and I have come to the conclusion that angels may not be part of the holiday trend this year. In our house they are a Christmas staple! After scouring a few stores and the internet, I came across an angel that I thought would be perfect to add to Lola’s tree. She is a little sparkly, her halo is a clear beautiful  jewel, and the inscription at the bottom reads, “You are my Angel.” She is our angel...Lola Grace Doepke. I can’t wait for Milo to place it on our tree this year.