120 Months-10 years

When the ball dropped on New Year's Eve ringing in 2019, my first thought was Lola would be 10 this year. One decade has passed..

So what would a ten year old want for her birthday? What kind of party or birthday trip would she like? Would she pick out a special birthday outfit to wear today?

I wonder. I imagine. I dream.  I am sad. Truth be told, I am sad everyday without her.

I wish we could celebrate together, I wish her birthday was full of joy instead of sadness.

Today, August 16, 2019 has been  a very stormy and gloomy day. I am not even sure we have seen the sun, but plenty of rain drops have fallen from heaven. For Lola's day, we decided to meet at the beach this morning. It was lightly drizzling, and the waves were  crashing on the shore. Picking up a few tiny seashells to remember this day, we saw bright purple and yellow flowered vines have taken over parts of the beach area. Rain does bring some beauty. Of course, Finley requested to be the official pink rose "thrower" and without much thought we quietly whispered happy birthday. The rose was engulfed by the powerful waves, I had a quick  moment to look up at the gray clouds and sky. The vision that popped in my head was Lola, in my arms with her white hat and pink flower. That is why she always gets a pink rose on her birthday.

In honor of Lola, we purchased a small engraved gold foot that will adorn the fence at Bookworm Gardens. It will read " Happy 10th Birthday Lola!" I think it is perfect for her ten year angelversary. It reminds me of her precious little feet. You have to wonder where those precious little feet would have gone in ten years. One can only wonder... She came into our lives, left footprints on our hearts and we have never been the same.

Happy 10th Birthday Lola.

Love,
The Mother of an Angel

119 Months

It is a month away from Lola’s birthday, or I guess we could call it her angel day. The day she got her wings. I always feel her presence is with us, she is with our family. The last two adventures we have gone on this past month, each one of her brothers found a penny on our trip. I always have to remind the one who didn’t find one first, that there will be another one coming...their penny from heaven. I just think it’s so special for all of us, and it is so neat  for me to see them embrace their Lola penny. It probably is the best treasure yet...at least in my opinion! The littlest things can turn out to be the biggest things, the ones that fill our hearts with the most joy!

Love,
The Mother of an Angel

118 Months

The boys and I are back for a short summer trip to Wisconsin. On our plane ride here I pondered a couple “Lola” spots I wanted to visit. We are first going to look for her fence picket at the new children’s park here. I haven’t seen it yet, and hopefully I can get a picture with the boys for her angel book. I also look forward to seeing her brick and little engraved foot at Bookworm Gardens...that is always one of our favorite spots. Sheboygan is so close to my heart, and I love that I can take the boys here but also celebrate Lola too. It makes it more special to have these Lola spots in a place that was home.

We love you Lola!

Love-
The Mother of an Angel

117 Months

I used to get random pieces of mail for “Lola Grace Doepke,” it would make your heart sink and smile at the same time. I have not received any mail for her in the last couple years, it’s almost as if they have forgotten her or she never became their “best” customer. As years go by you wonder if people think of her less often too,  just like the mail. I will never forget Lola, I think about her every single day. Her loss stays with me, it’s the  part that never goes away. It could be a song I hear, a butterfly I see, the waves of the ocean, little girls with their moms at pick up.... the daily reminder of what I am missing, Lola. Lola will never be lost or forgotten with me, and who knows when the next random piece of mail will come labeled “Lola.” That piece will make my heart smile.

Love.
The Mother of an Angel

116 Months

Every night I say prayers with my boys before bed.  I feel like we follow a 'prayer order," starting with themselves and going down the line. Lola is always part of our prayer line up, just maybe God can let her know we think of her and love her so much.  Milo has started to say his own prayers (he is growing up too fast), but Finley will speak up when I say, "Finley's special prayer is for...." It has been hard to watch these little boys grieve for their best buddy Louie, and their continuos request has been for him almost every night since he past. I love to think that Lola and Louie are together, maybe it just makes the pain a little less or comforts me. What we wouldn't give to have one more day, even one more hour, or minute with them....for my little boys they just want to snuggle their dog again and meet their sister. Grieving takes time, it just doesn't go away.....

love,
the mother of an angel

115 Months

On Monday, March 11 right before noon we said our final good bye to our sweet dog Louie. I am not exaggerating when I say he was simply the best! Loyal, snuggly, attentive, smart, bossy, playful, loveable....those are just a few words to describe him. We could not have asked for a better gift, or member of our family. Louie just always seemed to complete us. Now that’s he’s gone I think we all feel a little lost. Louie has gone through a lot with our family, and no matter what happened there was Louie with his little adorable face and big eyes looking right at you, or ready to jump into your lap! He knew a tail wag or puppy kiss would generally make someone smile....I just truly loved that dog with my whole heart, he was my life savior. I sat and told him all our memories, from the moment we met  him until now. He just curled up beside me....wow, we had the best of times.

I’ll never forget when JP snuck him into the hospital after Lola left us, they both just wanted to make me smile. When I returned home from the most awful car ride from the Monterey hospital, Louie was there. He didn’t leave my side that day and for many days after that, even to the bathroom!  That was my Louie. We would sit in the empty nursery together and rock on the green chair together, we would walk past the ocean and sit on our bench everyday. I’m not sure I could ever repay him, expect that I hope he knows what love and admiration I had for him.

Louie gave me three big kisses on Monday and I told him to go to Lola, she needs her puppy in heaven. I also told him I would look at the stars each night and think of him. My two sweet Lo’s are gone, and I pray they are together. That same day I walked around my backyatd, and watched as my neighbor girl was running and her puppy was chasing her. I hope that is how Louie and Lola are.
I picked up Louie’s ashes today and now they are beside Lola’s. I wish we could all have more time...it’s just never enough.

This month we also lost Great Grandpa Doepke at the age of 103, he was just a wonderful, kind, and caring person. What an amazing life he lived and such a great role model for our family. I will always remember the tours of Alexian Village, and the beautiful Lola Grace Doepke tile he would always show us and their angel collection by the chapel. I bet Lola is enjoying meeting all her family, even though we miss them here so much.

Love,
The Mother of an Angel

114 Months

I think our family has had a little bit of every sickness out there the last month, from runny noses to lingering coughs and a stomach bug, I’m not sure we are catching a break!   The days are a little longer, the boys are a little crabby,  and we all feel a little more worn down than normal. That is okay though, because I keep reminding myself every night this soon will pass and this temporary bug will be over with. Sometimes it is so easy to be caught up in the moment when things are bad, or even our future worries. I think one thing Lola reminds me of everyday is to always live in the present moment and day, not the yesterday and tomorrow. I even find myself telling this to Milo, we both smile when I say it and I just thank Lola for this simple life lesson. We love you Lola!

Love,
The Mother of an Angel