77 Months

The holidays are over, the new year has started and I have officially started my 365 days of being thankful. So far we are off to good start! I recently have completed Finley's baby book ( just a little behind), updated Milo's memory book and finished Lola's book for the year as well. I think I'm always playing catch up but I figure better late than never. The books are time consuming, but to be able to page back through them and look at all the memories we have made make my heart smile. I may have forgotten that little moment if I hadn't written it down, taken a picture or even saved that special card.

In Lola's book we have birthday letters, birthday pictures, donation letters, angel tree pictures or just about anything special that is the perfect fit for her book. In 6.5 years it is almost getting full. We are still making Lola memories everyday and every season. For Christmas this year we donated toys to toys for tots in her memory. The lady started to cry when we brought in the toys, so even when are loved ones have passed we can still carry out their memory. It's just the little things....

Right now I have 4 piles on my dressers, more catch up work! Pictures for Finley's photo album, pictures for Milo's photo album, a picture for Louie's box and a card to put in Lola's memory box. I couldn't help but think how all 4 of my kids were "staring" right at me at that moment, it was a good feeling. As the card reads "may there always be an angel by your side," and  I truly believe I do....

Happy New Year!

- mother of an angel 

76 Months

When I log into my account to write this blog it reads, "in memory of Lola Grace." There are so many things in our home that are in her memory, but by far my favorite Lola tradition is the Angel Tree. Every angel that hangs on that tree is in memory of her. Every time we are gifted an angel ornament it is in her memory. There is simply no gift that could compare. It's almost as if you said her name, you remembered and she's still with us, because quite simply angels are all around us.

There are 74 Angels on the tree this year, minus one due to a Finley accident but otherwise he's been incredibly gentle with it! The boys love to jingle the angel bell, Finley likes the star halo on one of my grandma's old angels  and Milo loves everyone's initials and his homemade angel of course. Milo defines Christmas spirit, he couldn't wait to put the tree up and the next morning when it debuted to Finley he so proudly said, " Finley this is my sister's tree, God gave her wings already." They then took off to touch and feel every angel they could. The texture, the glitter, the jewels....aren't Angels beautiful? This Lola tree is beautiful and it only gets better and bigger each year with every new angel ornament. 

Merry Christmas.

The mother of a beautiful angel 

75 Months

There are a million reasons to be thankful....every time around this year I always think to myself that I will start a handwritten list of things I am thankful for, because there must be a million and one things to express our gratitude for.  A list that on a "not so good" day may make you realize all the treasures we really do have. Maybe starting in 2016 I will start a daily thankful list, it maybe neat to just see what a whole 365 days of being thankful can bring.

I clearly remember my first Thanksgiving after Lola left us. JP was working that day and I recall sitting on this wooden deck off our room. It was a bright and sunny day. I sat there and I read and read for hours on this white plastic chair.  A Chicken Soup for the Soul book and Christmas Box, in fact The Christmas Box is the only book I still have kept in my nightstand for all these years and it's enclosed with a free hug coupon from my grandma. Yes some of the best things in life are free... Hugs are definitely one of them!

So this Thanksgiving I do have a million reasons to be thankful-all the way from Lola to Milo and to Finley....now I am ready and excited for my 365 day challenge ( starting in  2016) and I think a re-read of the Christmas Box is on my to do list. A story of hope and enduring love...a perfect story to head into the holidays.

Love-

Mother of an Angel-
^i^

74 Months

Last night we participated  in our seventh wave of light. I remember being excited, nervous and anxious to participate in our first one- only two months after Lola had left us. It was a big first step- the candle, the urn, her picture all on the fire place mantel. It's a day when people talk and share about these little angels that received their wings too soon. This year we celebrated the wave of light in Colorado. We lit the candle- the boys thought it would be fun to blow it out and we relit and remained that way for her special hour. It's Lola's hour. The day when people maybe aren't afraid to say her name or  tell you they think of her.  It's the little things, it's the Lola things.

It was extra special to be here visiting our friends, their little girl has Lola's  rug in her room and her absolute favorite toy is the stuffed giraffe that was once for Lola. She calls it her "raf." It goes to bed with her and everywhere around the house. It is that irreplaceable, special toy to her.  She loves it and her mom said it's even more special that it was Lola's.  It brings such joy to my heart to see her things being used and better than that loved.

We miss Lola more than words or this blog could ever describe. She will always be my little angel.

Mother of an angel

73 Months

In a perfect world...
I wish...
I dream...

In a perfect world Lola would still be here. I wish she was. I dream of how she is doing.

There are so many different endings I could have for the sentences above, you fill in the blank.....
The past few months have been a little challenging and lately that voice in my head keeps saying 'things could be worse.' I feel like I know what the worse feels like, which is why Lola has been the inspiration in my life of not sweating the small stuff. She is also the inspiration of making the most out of every day because life is too short.

Milo and Finley reminded me of her today. They were playing house and when Milo needed a blanket, he chose the green polka dot chamois blanket from Lola's baby shower. They played peek a boo, wrapped a bear in it and now Milo took it to bed. That blanket which has sat in a basket for years, kind of ironic how today they chose that Lola blanket. It made me smile and cherish the items I have chosen to keep from her nursery and that the boys are using or playing with.

I guess it is also the small thing,s like this lime green fuzzy blanket that can make your day and remind you of what is really important.

love,

the mother of an angel

72 months

And here we are..it is Lola's sixth birthday. It is the same Sunday the 16th but nothing besides that remains the same. Its amazing how I can almost recall the exact sequence and events of that day, the day our family was to begin. How nothing turned out the way it was supposed to... how everything was out of our hands. Anger, sadness, worry, hurt, confused those just begin the emotions after you hear the news.  I woke up from surgery and awakened to my husband staring at me, his eyes said it all. My world stopped and I wanted it to be over. That's how it feels to be a mother of an angel.

If I am one hundred percent honest....I am surprised at how we are today. We are still a family. There is still Louie. There is Milo and now there is Finley and forever and always there is our angel Lola. I will never have the house full of Barbies or dolls.. My husband will never walk his daughter down the aisle.  And that's okay because it has to be... you have to learn to accept what you can't change. I dream out loud and work on changing things that make life better for all of us. I am so blessed with these two little boys and over the past Few months have seen their relationship blossom, sure to be best friends. I'm also positive Finley will be bossing Milo around and getting them into trouble 😉 It is pretty amazing. They make me smile, laugh until my tummy hurts and warm my soul with their charming personalities. I'm grateful to be Lola's mom as well, she makes me want to better and live for her and be the best mommy I can be.

We celebrated with six pink balloons and one pink rose. Milo drew a pig on his balloon to heaven, we are guessing the pink correlation? It made us smile. The balloons went off to heaven. The rose in the sparkling blue ocean. I watched it as someone turned around and took a picture of it. People walked past and looked. It was stunning with the sun shining on it, a lady picked it up, smiled and walked away with it. I kept thinking maybe she needed that, little does she know it was Lola's rose. A treasure.

We donated back packs to hope kids, a charity in Sarasota that helps get kids ready for back to school. We had such a great time picking out all the different character backpacks from doc mc stuffing to paw patrol. Milo was convinced we were tossing them in the sky so they could make it to heaven for Lola and her friends.

I appreciate the cards, notes and every Lola day encouragement we receive. From an angel, to pink lipstick, a prism and money for backpacks-thank you...

May everyday be the best day.

Happy Birthday Lola

Your Mom forever and always

71 Months

6 years ago at this time JP and I were taking a new adventure to settle into Carmel. We were house hunting, learning a new area and expecting Lola's arrival in one month.  Fast forward 6 years and here we are in our new house (one month tomorrow) with boxes to be unpacked, pictures to hung on the walls and two little boys. Think of all that has happened in six years....lots of hellos and good byes. We lost my Grandpa, JP's Grandmother and my Uncle Steve. We gained new friends that are like family, We made some great memories. We have dealt with struggles and  always the loss of Lola. We never ever give up because if we did we would miss out on the smiles and happiness that occur just in everyday simple things.

We have only found one penny since we have been here...It was at Milo's new school right before we walked in to meet with the principal to discuss Milo's allergies. The meeting went great and that penny was my affirmation that this was the right choice, I feel like he will be safe. Kind of a blessing that penny was in a way,

I love angel signs, I may repeat that way too often in my blogs. My other special angel sign was before closing on our house, we met with our loan officer and she shook Milo's hand, she turned to us said " I know another Milo in Texas and he has a sister named  Lola....I guess somethings are meant to be. Thank You Lola!


Love-
Lola's Mom