192 Months- 16 Years

 16 years equals 192 months and 192 months equals 5.840 days. That is 5,840 days of saying prayers everyday for Lola, 16 birthdays we have not been together to celebrate, and 192 times writing in her blog, with some hope that it keeps her memory alive. I don't even have a penny count of how many pennies from heaven she has sent us but it always seems to be at just the right time. Finley asked me what kind of girl that I thought Lola would be and I think she would be everything we could imagine and more. This year to celebrate, I told JP we needed an escape. A day to be with our family and celebrate Lola. We jumped ship to a favorite spot and spent the day being together.When I look back at Lola's 16th birthday, it will always make me smile. We saw a cloud in the shape of a heart, that must have been from her! Rode small world and got the pink boar, that must have been a Lola sign too according to Milo. We dropped pennies in Bay Lake, each making a wish for her. The boys wrote her name in the name sand, making the O into Mickey Ears. 

In her memory, we donated $16 to the Sunshine Club at CK-8 for the teachers and staff to have fun events through out the year. My Dad always loved the Garden of Angels Portage and we were able to  connect with the owners to send a donation in Lola and my Dad's memory. She said she would pray I would see a sign from Lola today and would spread love in their honor. I am pretty sure that heart cloud was our sign! Our family has filled the week with random acts of kindness as well for Lola Grace. In the world we live in today, kindness matters. 

It has been a long sixteen years, I won't lie. Today should have been filled with so many milestones for Lola- sweet sixteeen, golden birthday, and maybe even a drivers license. The things we dream about and holding those dreams in my heart. Lola is never forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

Happy Birthday, sweet Lola Grace Doepke!

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

191 Months

Whenever we make a special trip to the beach, I am sure to write Lola's name in the sand somewhere before we leave. I love being by the water and when we get the chance to visit it triggers lots of memories. The many days we spent walking to the ocean in Pacific Grove amd sitting on the bench just letting the waves heal our broken hearts with their sounds. Sometimes the beach just makes you feel a little bit better, funny isn't it? So etching Lola's name in the sand just seems like the right thing to do. Eventually it will get washed away but she was there, in my heart. We had our moment... LOLA.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

190 Months

 The last time I was in San Antonio was when I was pregnant with Lola.  Her doctor was there, her nursey was set. I always thought we would be bringing her back to meet her Hyatt family. . It was hard to come back to Texas in the sense that it was still such a happy place with her. Everything has changed but everything has also changed in Texas too. Our old house is kind of in rumbles. I don't recognize the area much anymore which makes me sad. The boys had the best time exploring though, always up for a new adventure. My favorite part of coming back to San Antonio was visiting Lola's tree. I went everyday and even was there on a flower planting day. I still think of the picture of our Hyatt family planting that tree almost sixteen years ago for her. My how it has grown! It is perfect. It is peaceful. Jp placed some rocks around the tree sign, a true sign the Doepkes were there. I hope it always remains Lola's tree and never gets forgotten. Just like Lola- always in our hearts.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

189 Months

This month I feel like we have been finding pennies in twos. In rain jackets from last hurricane season, a back pack for sleepovers, and finding two at our favorite spot in Vero Beach. Maybe it is twice the love from Lola or just the past creeping up on us. We received a picture from Bookworm Gardens a few weeks ago that had  my dad's granite book placed  a couple above Lola's, it was in the memory garden. It is sweet for their names to be so close togther and I still wish everyday wish they were both here. Life isn't as  happy as it used to be no matter what you do becasue they are always missing. The pennies and pictures bring temporary joy but maybe that is why things were coming in two this month. The two memory books are finally together. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

188 Months

 A few weeks ago I had a follow up doctor appointment, I was taken by suprise when my doctor mentioned to me she loved my "L" tatoo with the halo. It was sweet as I told her about Lola and the story behind it. It was a feel good "Lola" moment, much needed too. I can't pinpoint the craziness and challenges of all these years or why things are the way they are, but sometimes a simple conversation about a tatoo can just be enough to make a moment or day a little brighter. A good reminder of things that matter most...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

187 Months

 I asked God for a sign today. I was hopeful for a penny from Lola but instead we saw a gorgeous rainbow as we headed into Hilton Head. It was almost like we were driving to see the end of it or the pot of gold. (almost fitting for St. Patrick's Day). I did not write in the blog for Lola last month. I was late, life got overwhelming,  and it never felt like the right time to sit and force out words in her blog. I was hoping for that penny today to make sure she was somehow okay with it it. In my heart I know she is, but I still feel the guilt.  Maybe the rainbow was God's sign of saying that I can try again, get my fingers typing, and words flowing for her blog this month. Plus a promise that Lola already knows how loved she is! 

Love, 

The Mother of an Angel

185 Months

 So MANY pennies...This last month has been filled with so many pennies from heaven! I think each one of us has found one and then some. It is so nice that at the end of the holiday season, as all the twinkling lights and her angel tree has come down that we still get these little gifts from Lola. It can honestly make a trip or Disney visit that much better! I also love how Finley leaves them for me on my nightstand, he really is just the sweetest child. A penny is her way of saying "hello"  "i love you" or " you got this"...maybe even "this too shall pass." I don't know what we would ever do without these pennies these last 15 years. Thanks, Lola! 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel