195 Months

 I seemed to have blinked my eyes and the Christmas season is upon us already. I remember being a little kid and the excitement of decorating the tree with my Grandma. She let me take down all the ornaments from the attic, find the perfect spot for them on her tree, and throw tinsel any and everywhere! I am not sure if she ever moved the ornaments after I left but she made me feel like I was the best Christmas tree decorator in the entire world. I loved how every year each Christmas decoration went in the same spot around her house. It was so familar. The candy dish with hard colored candy on the coffee table, the bear that rocked when wound up by her sewing basket, the misoltoe maiden on the entrance to the living room, and the tree in the same corner. I am so honored that my Dad gave me many of her holiday decorations. When we put up Lola's tree every year, Grandma's angels are some of the last to go on.  She had a handful of angels, mostly handmade and every year Finley comments on them. He was so passionate about deocorating the tree this year, showing me his favorite ornaments and how he thinks it would be so cool to have his big sister here. Being the sweetest kid he is, he gave me the biggest hug when we finished and whispered how he loves Lola's tree. It was a moment I will remember forever and Frank Sinatra's Silent Night played sweetly in the background! On a side note, Jp and I both found a penny on Friday and Finley found one the day before! I am wondering if it means we will have some Lola magic this holiday season. I love and miss her so much, the holidays aren't always my favorite anymore to be honest. There are so many people  missing that made it so special and  the memories we miss making with Lola each year. We have her Angel tree, year 17....

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

194 Months

 Last night was the annual Wave of Light. Our candle was lit from 7-8pm, imagine all the candles shining bright for our babies gone too soon. I loved the pictures that were sent my way of candles for Lola, it is nice when she remembered. We have used the same candle for the past sixteen years and though its flame is still strong and radiant, I know it is nearing the end. I hope we can make it to her 18th birthday and Wave of Light with it. This candle has traveled and moved  with us from  California, Key West, Sarasota, and to here in Celebration. It seems like such a tiny object but the symbol of this candle could move mountains and my love for it. It is part of my  peace and remembrance of sweet Lola Grace. She is always shining bright in my heart and mind.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

193 Months

 It is a sweet day when Pennies from Heaven comes on the Frank Sinatra channel on Sirus Radio. Followed by a butterfly fluttering in front of my car window, and the sun shining so brightly you can't help but smile. It reminds it is Lola's day and of my Dad writing in his notebook that he loves to feel the sun on his face. Me too, me too! We have to celebrate the little things and let those little things remind of the angels that watch over us everyday. There is so much sadness and anger in our world today, I never want moments like I had today end and the feeling that my dad and Lola are with me each step of the way.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

192 Months- 16 Years

 16 years equals 192 months and 192 months equals 5.840 days. That is 5,840 days of saying prayers everyday for Lola, 16 birthdays we have not been together to celebrate, and 192 times writing in her blog, with some hope that it keeps her memory alive. I don't even have a penny count of how many pennies from heaven she has sent us but it always seems to be at just the right time. Finley asked me what kind of girl that I thought Lola would be and I think she would be everything we could imagine and more. This year to celebrate, I told JP we needed an escape. A day to be with our family and celebrate Lola. We jumped ship to a favorite spot and spent the day being together.When I look back at Lola's 16th birthday, it will always make me smile. We saw a cloud in the shape of a heart, that must have been from her! Rode small world and got the pink boar, that must have been a Lola sign too according to Milo. We dropped pennies in Bay Lake, each making a wish for her. The boys wrote her name in the name sand, making the O into Mickey Ears. 

In her memory, we donated $16 to the Sunshine Club at CK-8 for the teachers and staff to have fun events through out the year. My Dad always loved the Garden of Angels Portage and we were able to  connect with the owners to send a donation in Lola and my Dad's memory. She said she would pray I would see a sign from Lola today and would spread love in their honor. I am pretty sure that heart cloud was our sign! Our family has filled the week with random acts of kindness as well for Lola Grace. In the world we live in today, kindness matters. 

It has been a long sixteen years, I won't lie. Today should have been filled with so many milestones for Lola- sweet sixteeen, golden birthday, and maybe even a drivers license. The things we dream about and holding those dreams in my heart. Lola is never forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

Happy Birthday, sweet Lola Grace Doepke!

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

191 Months

Whenever we make a special trip to the beach, I am sure to write Lola's name in the sand somewhere before we leave. I love being by the water and when we get the chance to visit it triggers lots of memories. The many days we spent walking to the ocean in Pacific Grove amd sitting on the bench just letting the waves heal our broken hearts with their sounds. Sometimes the beach just makes you feel a little bit better, funny isn't it? So etching Lola's name in the sand just seems like the right thing to do. Eventually it will get washed away but she was there, in my heart. We had our moment... LOLA.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

190 Months

 The last time I was in San Antonio was when I was pregnant with Lola.  Her doctor was there, her nursey was set. I always thought we would be bringing her back to meet her Hyatt family. . It was hard to come back to Texas in the sense that it was still such a happy place with her. Everything has changed but everything has also changed in Texas too. Our old house is kind of in rumbles. I don't recognize the area much anymore which makes me sad. The boys had the best time exploring though, always up for a new adventure. My favorite part of coming back to San Antonio was visiting Lola's tree. I went everyday and even was there on a flower planting day. I still think of the picture of our Hyatt family planting that tree almost sixteen years ago for her. My how it has grown! It is perfect. It is peaceful. Jp placed some rocks around the tree sign, a true sign the Doepkes were there. I hope it always remains Lola's tree and never gets forgotten. Just like Lola- always in our hearts.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

189 Months

This month I feel like we have been finding pennies in twos. In rain jackets from last hurricane season, a back pack for sleepovers, and finding two at our favorite spot in Vero Beach. Maybe it is twice the love from Lola or just the past creeping up on us. We received a picture from Bookworm Gardens a few weeks ago that had  my dad's granite book placed  a couple above Lola's, it was in the memory garden. It is sweet for their names to be so close togther and I still wish everyday wish they were both here. Life isn't as  happy as it used to be no matter what you do becasue they are always missing. The pennies and pictures bring temporary joy but maybe that is why things were coming in two this month. The two memory books are finally together. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel