Remembering My Grandma...

The last couple weeks I have been really thinking about my Grandma Van Haveren....I think it has to with the holidays, her favorite. Some of you reading this may have never gotten to know her and those of us that have, were blessed. How can I describe her to you in a couple of words??? The kindest and most loving soul, that had a way with her words...she loved you uncondtionally and abudently. Much like someone else I know...JP. Those two must be the most patient and loving people that I have ever come into contact with...some of my fondest childhood memories are with her. The Christmas cookies, presents in the attic, little parties we had, Sunday dinners, her house decorated in almost every room, I remember Santa always graced his presence in the bathroom! Today I have many of her holiday decorations, I guess part of the reason I even gave into the holiday speal this year. I just love to remember those times, her tree, her decorations....and how can we forget looking through the JC Penney Christmas Catalog a million times over. She was amazing.

I think about her these days...how I long to just sit and speak with her about Lola. For some reason, I just think she would know exactly what to say. I had a dream the other night with her in it. It was very odd, because we were all at her house in the basement (that was like the kids playroom), and she was there, my Grandpa was at his desk. I can't tell you how  but I know I was so excited to see her, like almost relieved in a sense. Like I could finally pour out my heart to someone, in this dream I was ready to tell her all about my precious Lola. The thing is she wouldn't turn around, she would not acknowledge me....I was in tears. I remember yelling but Lola, but Lola....all I could see was the back of her, her hair, she just wouldn't budge. That was the end of my dream.....

A little strange I know but I think it was telling me something. That friends and family can provide comfort but no one can ever say the right thing, no one can make this better and no one can take away the pain. She was listening and maybe you listen but that is all you can do. There is no answer. That is the best thing.  NO one can answer why? But I think shel'll watch over me with Lola..I really do.

 I secretly pray that my Grandma was the first one to meet Lola, hug her, spoil her, always rocking her to sleep....together they would be a perfect pair. Lola looked like and angel and my Grandmother had the heart of one.