A Day for Lola...

My heart is heavy today. I miss my baby girl. My angel.

Yesterday was a beautiful day, it turned out to be just a whole day about Lola....
We went to church yesterday morning, it was a wonderful service...they had a harpist, trumpets, pianist, the choir, it was really neat and powerful. We bought a poinsetta in memory of Lola a couple weeks ago and today they were all displayed at the front of church, her name was also in the program. It was so special and also the bell choir performed...do you know how many angels got their wings yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everytime I looked  towards the front of church, I would think of her...sometimes with tears in my eyes, if she only knew how much her mom and dad missed her.

We also went to see the priest who had met with us in the hospital...he was diagnosed with cancer about 1.5 months ago. He went through a couple surgeries and is now in recovery. He is calling it his "year of life" and with that he is giving away angels he has collected to special people. The one we got was very beautiful, a cheribum angel from Venice. He says he sees her face in it. We talked about Lola.....it seems everyone calls her Lola Grace. Which is ironic in away...her full name means "sorrowful blessing".....which would basically define what she is to so many of us.

Last night was also the annual candle lighing for Compassionate Friends. Here in CA, we had a slide show of our children, poems, music..I can't explain it. I don't think my heart has ever beat as fast as it did last night, almost like I could feel it throbbing...JP says Lola was the most beautiful baby in the show, but I think we maybe a little biased :). It was so special on so many levels. Some times words cannot even describe so it is better left as a private memory. I remember at one point looking over at JP, he held my hand so tight...and I saw those tears trickle down his face, he loves her so much and misses her...he just won't be the one to tell you that everyday. I held her picture so tight the entire way home...and if I told you how much sadness and pain there was in this world you may never believe me.

So I guess the word of the day and for the rest of this holiday season is going to be hope. HOPE. A four letter word that has so much meaning to everyone in their own way and in their own lives. Hope for a better tommorow, hope for a better today, hope for healing, hope for peace, hope for happiness, hope...

I always wish and dream that Lola could have been with us a little longer...now what a wonderful world that would have been....

I love you All....