199 Months

Finley brought home a Lola penny just last week. He sweetly gave it to me to put with all my other Lola pennies. This one got extra clean! I found it at the bottom of the wash. Shiny and looking somewhat new again...

In a way, it reminds me of this journey of being a grieving parent. We try to clean up, to be better people, to shine brighter for our children in heaven. But our hearts are never completely renewed again. There will always be that missing piece,  the piece in heaven with Lola.

I often say you never know what someone is going through, so be gentle with your words and show compassion. In fact, my words to the boys each morning are simple, “Be kind.” Sometimes kindness can make someone’s entire day or week and we may never even know it.

And every little penny we find feels like a gentle reminder that Lola is still shining down on us and our  small sign to keep spreading kindness.

We love you, Lola!

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

198 Months

Sometimes I really can’t believe how fast the months (or even the days) go by. I feel like I blinked and Valentine’s Day was already here and gone.

Even though my boys aren’t little anymore, I still pull out all the decorations and the fun Valentine’s things from when they were. The I ♥ You placemats, the heart banner, the doilies… and yes, the pink rubber duckies everywhere because there always has to be lots of pink for Lola. 

Truthfully, I might love it more than they do now. But I always catch myself imagining what it would be like if Lola were here helping me with all the little things. She might even be at the age where she’d have her own Valentine!

This week we are spreading a little Valentine kindness and Lola love by treating a young lady to get her hair done for a special dance. Her family is living in hotels right now, and when I heard about the dress and shoes she wanted, I thought… I bet she’s never even been to a fancy salon before.

I can’t wait for her to have that moment and to feel special and maybe even a little like a princess. It’s such a simple thing, but sometimes the little things mean everything.

Thinking of how it would’ve been to get Lola’s hair done too....

Love,
A Mother of an Angel

197 Months

 It is the start of a new year, which I suppose means new beginnings. I have a few resolutions this year. One of them, though it may sound selfish is to fill my own cup with joy.

Over the last sixteen years, the spark of everything has somewhat faded with loss. The loss of Lola was the beginning of what feels like a never ending path of grief. I find so much happiness in giving to others and serving, especially in memory of Lola, don’t get me wrong. But I think I realized by the end of this year that I was completely burned out. The holidays never help. They are the time when we miss those we have lost the most.

I am beyond grateful for the couple of weeks I spent with family during the break and for the chance to recharge. I was especially thankful for the quiet time to sit by Lola’s angel tree and simply be... I cleaned out a couple of drawers, finding Lola things, and organizing items in my angel book for her. I can’t tell you how happy that made me. Such a small thing, but it filled my heart right up. Like she was proud of me...

So now, every day, I am trying to ask myself: What did I do to fill my cup and others’ today?
That is my 2026 challenge to myself… that, and finding 100 pennies from heaven.

With love,
The Mother of an Angel

196 Months

 Lola's angel tree is up and it is quite honestly my favorite Christmas tradition, 16 years and counting. I am not sure anything else brings me as much joy and warmth as that tree each day during the season. Each angel on it has a story and a little extra love behind it too. As a family, we picked out two angels for our 2026 tree. One was so simple but so elegant, I think it represents what we long for in life minus the elegance. We just need Lola. The other ornament we chose is quite opposite, ornamaneted in gold and shining from each Christmas light that twinkles on it. That is simply Lola's beauty and auroa of goodness. There are also new angels from friends and family, it is nice when she remembered. Since Lola's tree is all about love and light, it seems simple that it is a great holiday challenge to take that on. Enjoy the good and do good. Be the light. 

Merry Christmas! 

The Mother of an Angel

195 Months

 I seemed to have blinked my eyes and the Christmas season is upon us already. I remember being a little kid and the excitement of decorating the tree with my Grandma. She let me take down all the ornaments from the attic, find the perfect spot for them on her tree, and throw tinsel any and everywhere! I am not sure if she ever moved the ornaments after I left but she made me feel like I was the best Christmas tree decorator in the entire world. I loved how every year each Christmas decoration went in the same spot around her house. It was so familar. The candy dish with hard colored candy on the coffee table, the bear that rocked when wound up by her sewing basket, the misoltoe maiden on the entrance to the living room, and the tree in the same corner. I am so honored that my Dad gave me many of her holiday decorations. When we put up Lola's tree every year, Grandma's angels are some of the last to go on.  She had a handful of angels, mostly handmade and every year Finley comments on them. He was so passionate about deocorating the tree this year, showing me his favorite ornaments and how he thinks it would be so cool to have his big sister here. Being the sweetest kid he is, he gave me the biggest hug when we finished and whispered how he loves Lola's tree. It was a moment I will remember forever and Frank Sinatra's Silent Night played sweetly in the background! On a side note, Jp and I both found a penny on Friday and Finley found one the day before! I am wondering if it means we will have some Lola magic this holiday season. I love and miss her so much, the holidays aren't always my favorite anymore to be honest. There are so many people  missing that made it so special and  the memories we miss making with Lola each year. We have her Angel tree, year 17....

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

194 Months

 Last night was the annual Wave of Light. Our candle was lit from 7-8pm, imagine all the candles shining bright for our babies gone too soon. I loved the pictures that were sent my way of candles for Lola, it is nice when she remembered. We have used the same candle for the past sixteen years and though its flame is still strong and radiant, I know it is nearing the end. I hope we can make it to her 18th birthday and Wave of Light with it. This candle has traveled and moved  with us from  California, Key West, Sarasota, and to here in Celebration. It seems like such a tiny object but the symbol of this candle could move mountains and my love for it. It is part of my  peace and remembrance of sweet Lola Grace. She is always shining bright in my heart and mind.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

193 Months

 It is a sweet day when Pennies from Heaven comes on the Frank Sinatra channel on Sirus Radio. Followed by a butterfly fluttering in front of my car window, and the sun shining so brightly you can't help but smile. It reminds it is Lola's day and of my Dad writing in his notebook that he loves to feel the sun on his face. Me too, me too! We have to celebrate the little things and let those little things remind of the angels that watch over us everyday. There is so much sadness and anger in our world today, I never want moments like I had today end and the feeling that my dad and Lola are with me each step of the way.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel