A week ago was Mother's Day. I love my boys with all my heart but that day never feels complete. It stirs up memories of my first Mother's Day, I sat with JP walking along the beautiful Carmel Beach. It was a sad and lonely day...a reminder of the beautiful girl we lost. That day will always be missing Lola, a reminder of what could and should have been.
I received a text from one of my dear friends on Mother's Day morning "Kim, Happy Mother's Day...I wonder where you will find a penny today." It made me feel so fulfilled and love that she was so confident I would find a penny on that day. Instead of feeling a little lost, I looked forward to that hopeful penny. It turns out, she was right. We found a penny on Mother's Day at our last adventure spot of the day. Milo now shares in the enthusiasm of penny finding and asks to keep them. My friend replied later on... "She truly is with you."
I got my penny from Lola, hand drawn card from Milo and the biggest hug and sloppiest kiss from Finley. ( louie gave me kisses too) I couldn't ask for more love.
I wore my pink scarf for Lola that day. I may just look like a mom with two adorable little boys but I also have a little girl in heaven that I am a Mom to as well. My three little munchkins.
Lots of Love-
The Mother of an Angel
Monday, May 16, 2016
Saturday, April 16, 2016
80 Months
The story of my pink scarf....
Months after Lola passed I decided to try life out again. I recall walking with Louie past the ocean and thinking a new house, a new job.... These could all be good things for us. And that's exactly what we did. Moved to a great house and I decided to get a part time job back in retail. I met some wonderful friends at work, had a lot of fun and we enjoyed our new spot.
One day at work I bought a pink silk scarf, different shades of pink, it was beautiful. It was the scarf I ended up wearing for our photo shoot for the magazine article about Lola. It went perfect with her foot plaque that I tightly gripped as the photographer said "smile." I kept that scarf for years and have never worn it since that day.
Milo's teacher was requesting dress up items- anything we had that the kids could dress up and make believe in. I came across this scarf and did not think I wanted to part with it. It was a memory or connection. Since we had just moved and already donated and rummaged through our older items, I didn't have much to give. My eyes came back to the scarf and in the bag for school it went.
As months have gone on, the pink scarf makes me smile when I walk Milo into his classroom. It has been a superman cape, a skirt, a hide and seek game......and all I can think is the Lola scarf is making new memories. It's fun to see the smiles on the children's faces when they are playing with it.
Lola would have liked it.
Love-
The mother of an angel
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
79 Months
As I pulled the sheets tightly around the crib mattress tonight I thought to myself all the different "hats" this bed has been. It started out as Lola's bed, our first big baby purchase. It had a green polka dot sheet, a baby blue quilt with yellow and green flowers because I refused to fall into the pink genre with her room. It moved from San Antonio to California. We set up her room again, the same sheets, the same quilt and waited her arrival....
It stayed that way for awhile but Lola never came home. I left the sheets and quilt until one day I just started packing everything up in these blue plastic bins and there it sat. The crib sat empty and bare.
It's amazing the obstacles you have to overcome when you face the death of a baby. I still came home to a nursery, a crib, baby clothes but we just didn't have our Lola.
All these years later, the crib reinvented itself. It became Milo's tropical oasis and journeyed to Key West. It even became a toddler bed and then back to the crib for Finley. It now has green alligators on the crib sheet. It changed, we changed...life isn't so empty anymore. It still is Lola's crib. I still can close my eyes and see it adorned with the flowers. I still can close my eyes and picture holding her. The crib is a great memory.
Love - the mother of an angel
It stayed that way for awhile but Lola never came home. I left the sheets and quilt until one day I just started packing everything up in these blue plastic bins and there it sat. The crib sat empty and bare.
It's amazing the obstacles you have to overcome when you face the death of a baby. I still came home to a nursery, a crib, baby clothes but we just didn't have our Lola.
All these years later, the crib reinvented itself. It became Milo's tropical oasis and journeyed to Key West. It even became a toddler bed and then back to the crib for Finley. It now has green alligators on the crib sheet. It changed, we changed...life isn't so empty anymore. It still is Lola's crib. I still can close my eyes and see it adorned with the flowers. I still can close my eyes and picture holding her. The crib is a great memory.
Love - the mother of an angel
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
78 Months
For some reason, I just adore Valentine's Day...the decorations, cards, fun traditions, the crafts. Giving to others little adorned doily cards and crafts that hopefully brighten their day. The theme of it all being hearts.
I have my little angel box which my aunt and grandmother made me while I was pregnant with Finley. The box you have tucked away and comes out when you need that extra boost. That box is all Lola. Lots of little angels, her picture, pennies, a nickel, a prayer. Milo is absolutely fascinated with it. It's a pretty special occasion for him to look through each delicate treasure. I have added an angel pin of Jp's grandmothers (Loretta) recently and Milo made a heart valentine for it this month. The cutest cut out heart, jaggedly edges and all with a picture of two smiley little people, signed by the artist himself. It is the perfect addition.
So even in a way we got our Lola valentine or what I will think of as her valentine. All the items in this tiny little box have such a big meaning. They remind you of all the strength and courage of where and who it came from because everyone has a story, even Lola.
Happy Valentine's Day.
The Mother of an Angel
I have my little angel box which my aunt and grandmother made me while I was pregnant with Finley. The box you have tucked away and comes out when you need that extra boost. That box is all Lola. Lots of little angels, her picture, pennies, a nickel, a prayer. Milo is absolutely fascinated with it. It's a pretty special occasion for him to look through each delicate treasure. I have added an angel pin of Jp's grandmothers (Loretta) recently and Milo made a heart valentine for it this month. The cutest cut out heart, jaggedly edges and all with a picture of two smiley little people, signed by the artist himself. It is the perfect addition.
So even in a way we got our Lola valentine or what I will think of as her valentine. All the items in this tiny little box have such a big meaning. They remind you of all the strength and courage of where and who it came from because everyone has a story, even Lola.
Happy Valentine's Day.
The Mother of an Angel
Saturday, January 16, 2016
77 Months
The holidays are over, the new year has started and I have officially started my 365 days of being thankful. So far we are off to good start! I recently have completed Finley's baby book ( just a little behind), updated Milo's memory book and finished Lola's book for the year as well. I think I'm always playing catch up but I figure better late than never. The books are time consuming, but to be able to page back through them and look at all the memories we have made make my heart smile. I may have forgotten that little moment if I hadn't written it down, taken a picture or even saved that special card.
In Lola's book we have birthday letters, birthday pictures, donation letters, angel tree pictures or just about anything special that is the perfect fit for her book. In 6.5 years it is almost getting full. We are still making Lola memories everyday and every season. For Christmas this year we donated toys to toys for tots in her memory. The lady started to cry when we brought in the toys, so even when are loved ones have passed we can still carry out their memory. It's just the little things....
Right now I have 4 piles on my dressers, more catch up work! Pictures for Finley's photo album, pictures for Milo's photo album, a picture for Louie's box and a card to put in Lola's memory box. I couldn't help but think how all 4 of my kids were "staring" right at me at that moment, it was a good feeling. As the card reads "may there always be an angel by your side," and I truly believe I do....
Happy New Year!
- mother of an angel
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
76 Months
When I log into my account to write this blog it reads, "in memory of Lola Grace." There are so many things in our home that are in her memory, but by far my favorite Lola tradition is the Angel Tree. Every angel that hangs on that tree is in memory of her. Every time we are gifted an angel ornament it is in her memory. There is simply no gift that could compare. It's almost as if you said her name, you remembered and she's still with us, because quite simply angels are all around us.
There are 74 Angels on the tree this year, minus one due to a Finley accident but otherwise he's been incredibly gentle with it! The boys love to jingle the angel bell, Finley likes the star halo on one of my grandma's old angels and Milo loves everyone's initials and his homemade angel of course. Milo defines Christmas spirit, he couldn't wait to put the tree up and the next morning when it debuted to Finley he so proudly said, " Finley this is my sister's tree, God gave her wings already." They then took off to touch and feel every angel they could. The texture, the glitter, the jewels....aren't Angels beautiful? This Lola tree is beautiful and it only gets better and bigger each year with every new angel ornament.
Merry Christmas.
The mother of a beautiful angel
Monday, November 16, 2015
75 Months
There are a million reasons to be thankful....every time around this year I always think to myself that I will start a handwritten list of things I am thankful for, because there must be a million and one things to express our gratitude for. A list that on a "not so good" day may make you realize all the treasures we really do have. Maybe starting in 2016 I will start a daily thankful list, it maybe neat to just see what a whole 365 days of being thankful can bring.
I clearly remember my first Thanksgiving after Lola left us. JP was working that day and I recall sitting on this wooden deck off our room. It was a bright and sunny day. I sat there and I read and read for hours on this white plastic chair. A Chicken Soup for the Soul book and Christmas Box, in fact The Christmas Box is the only book I still have kept in my nightstand for all these years and it's enclosed with a free hug coupon from my grandma. Yes some of the best things in life are free... Hugs are definitely one of them!
So this Thanksgiving I do have a million reasons to be thankful-all the way from Lola to Milo and to Finley....now I am ready and excited for my 365 day challenge ( starting in 2016) and I think a re-read of the Christmas Box is on my to do list. A story of hope and enduring love...a perfect story to head into the holidays.
Love-
Mother of an Angel-
^i^
I clearly remember my first Thanksgiving after Lola left us. JP was working that day and I recall sitting on this wooden deck off our room. It was a bright and sunny day. I sat there and I read and read for hours on this white plastic chair. A Chicken Soup for the Soul book and Christmas Box, in fact The Christmas Box is the only book I still have kept in my nightstand for all these years and it's enclosed with a free hug coupon from my grandma. Yes some of the best things in life are free... Hugs are definitely one of them!
So this Thanksgiving I do have a million reasons to be thankful-all the way from Lola to Milo and to Finley....now I am ready and excited for my 365 day challenge ( starting in 2016) and I think a re-read of the Christmas Box is on my to do list. A story of hope and enduring love...a perfect story to head into the holidays.
Love-
Mother of an Angel-
^i^
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