171 Months

         We have already put up Lola's tree, Milo seemed to ask everyday after Halloween if it was time yet. It is one of my favorite things about the season! Every angel we hang up gives me time to reflect on Lola and even the person who gifted us the angel for her tree. It makes it even more special to hold the ones from those who have also passed and are with her in heaven now. I am hoping this season we can spend more time sitting by Lola's tree, with a good book or just admiring it. I am so happy we started this tradition for her 14 years ago, she is always part of our holidays.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

170 Months

             After a hectic day at the Doepke household, it was so refreshing to light our candle for Lola. Yesterday, was the Wave of Light. We have used the same candle for fourteen years for this. It now filled with knicks, black smoke lines the edges, and it is getting smaller each year, BUT it still shines bright for her. Sweet Finley put his hands together like a cherubim angel statue, he closed his eyes and prayed as he sat by the candle. Milo blew it out at 8pm sharp! These angels are never forgotten, I know Lola will never be. Lots of candles were lit for her last night. She will always be our angel!

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

169 Months

         A couple weeks ago, I started to work again on the kids' birthday books. That also meant Lola's book. I honestly have avoided putting things in there since coming to Celebration. With our move, renovation, and my dad passing I just kept all her birthday items each year in an envelope. It seems silly that something that easy to do, I avoided or made an excuse in my mind not to do it. Maybe it was avoiding the fact that some of the most important and special people in my life are gone. That is never easy to do..it is done now. 

        On a side note, Finley found a special penny from Lola at Milo's band high school night. It was just as we were exiting our row, kind of perfect. He thought it was extra shiny and I thought it was the best sign.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

                    

168 Months

          If there was a moment I could freeze in time, fourteen years ago would be it.  Lola is officially fourteen years old; it is her heavenly birthday. I went to bed imagining what life could have been for her and all of us. I am positive the world would have been a much better place. She left her mark, even in such a short time. Lola is my daily reminder of grace and kindness. We decided to do something fun for her day and JP and I walked the world at Epcot. We made sure to say Happy Birthday to each guest with a birthday button on. We found a dime. Encouraged and had fun speaking with a high school student about her quest to ride Soarin all day, everyone has a goal. The boys and I placed an angel at the garden with pink roses. They also did some random acts of kindness at school today for Lola. Her memory is alive, as these acts of kindness write her story. As a family we donated to the media center's new Maker Station in her memory. Lola is missed by so many. The messages we received made today a little brighter. We had someone trying to complete fourteen acts of kindness, gorgeous flowers sent to our home, and even a clipping of lilacs from a good friend who planted the tree after her miscarriage. It was a special day. Lola will never be gone; she is always in our hearts. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

167 Months

       Today my Facebook memory was "100 posts in Lola's blog." It stings to read that.  We are currently today at 167 blogs; I am not sure where the time goes. Things sure have changed. Every day is still another day without her, and every penny is still a sign from above.  I am not sure how much harder I could wish and pray that Lola was here. I can't even begin to imagine that life now because it seems so out of our grasp. Time does change things, but it doesn't heal. That is the truth of it all, you just learn to live with the cards you have been dealt. Pray one day you meet again...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

166 Months

       I am embarrassed to admit that the 16th of this month flew past me. I woke up the next morning with a sinking feeling in my stomach, knowing that I had missed Lola's blog.  Life seemed to get the best of me that day...and then the mom guilt sets in. On the 16th, I still walked to the Celebration Memorial Garden in the morning and even looked at the cherubim angels nestled in the flowers thinking of Lola and my dad. Next month I will be back on track, hoping Lola forgives her mom this one time. She is always with me and in my thoughts no matter what

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

165 Months

        Another Mother's Day has passed, a time to celebrate all moms. They truly have one of the hardest jobs, sometimes I think they deserve a whole week and not just a day. Milo and I tossed a couple shiny pennies in the Epcot fountain on Mother's Day for Lola, making an extra special wish for her. I think I still struggle with the fact that to everyone who sees us in the world, I am just Milo and Finley's mom. You know the mom who walks with her boys to school every day, I get that a lot! I pray for Lola every night, look at her picture each morning, and always have her on my mind. Especially the "what ifs" and dreams... There are all different types of moms, and everyone has a story. My story is of a beautiful angel I held in my arms for such a short time, a fluffy sweet white dog, and the two amazing boys I am blessed with on earth.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel