94 Months

This month we lost one of the greatest women in my life, I was lucky enough to call her my grandmother, Marilynn Heimer.  This was Lola's great grandmother who crocheted her signature flower caps. The pictures of Lola in these are some of my favorite, and now when I look at them I will have two reasons to smile and remember those beautiful souls. After Lola passed my grandmother crocheted the same hats to donate to the hospital, and of course I saved a couple of my own, now I consider them treasures. She was such a wonderful, strong individual and now Lola gets to enjoy time with her but the world sure is missing them both!

The cycle of life.... I sure have learned a lot about it. I watched my children play and run in the cemetery, as we were burying my grandmother's ashes....She would have smiled and told us,"let them be." In fact we all chuckled as we looked over at them. Life is about change, adapting to change and learning how to move on but without forgetting, because i believe the ones we loose shape our lives. Maybe they teach us to live everyday like it is our last or to enjoy the simplest of things.

I wish I could hug them all one more time, tell them I love them but I hope they already know. It is never easy to say good bye.

Love-

The Mother of an Angel

93 Months

There is a wonderful devotion that has really stuck with me, in fact there is a picture of it on my phone  for a little reminder.  I love how things speak to you and our life circumstances, just when you need them the most. Thank you Lord!  The message is that life is full of seasons, the  good and bad. These seasons of our lives are temporary, they will eventually come to an end. When we are faced with a difficult  time we should remember the last challenge we overcame, the lessons we learned and how it somehow became okay. It's better to be up and then down......and this season will pass.

I can recall so many seasons of my life and where we are now today. The hardest maybe Lola and maybe the season has passed but the sadness never quite goes away, i carry it with me. We learned, we had to accept death and good byes, when I almost felt like it never had a chance to begin. I wish life was exactly how we imagined it to be -everything that is good! So here I am reminding myself that this season will pass....because in a way Lola has taught me this.

Love-
the mother of an angel

92 Months

In October, my Mom sent me a package. The theme was pink, pink for Lola. A pink wallet, a pink robe, pink nail polish, pink mascara tube and of course pink lipstick. That was a signature of my Mom- if you are ever having a really bad day, buy a new lipstick she always told me, it just makes you feel better....if that were true I would have bought a lot of lipsticks in the last 3.5 weeks. This Lola package is the last package I'll ever receive from my Mom.  She told me how proud of me she was for carrying on Lola's memory during infant and pregnancy loss month and being brave. She loved me and the package was to make me smile. If I only would have known.

I have lost the two most important woman in my life...my daughter and my mother. I won't ever have them back. There's no tomorrows or what ifs because it is what it is. I lost a piece of me with Lola and another with my Mom. When I went through my mom's nightstand she had saved three letters I had sent her about Lola, 7.5 years later.. One letter I thanked her for helping me after Lola passed, for letting me sit in bed and cry, for hugging me... for being my Mom. I wish I could have done the same for her. I'm pretty good at fixing things or so I like to think....

I hope and pray lola and my mom are together. I hope they know how loved and missed they are.
And in time we will  start to heal or learn to live our lives in a different way. In time....
There is a penny representing  Lola in my mom's grave. She truly loved all her grandkids and had a beautiful soul.

Love-

Mother of an Angel

91 Months

After returning from another wonderful trip at Disney, I do believe it maybe the most magical place. Everything about it is almost perfect, an escape from reality. On our last visit we tossed pennies into the small world ride for Lola.  Each time we went on that ride I wondered  if the Lola pennies were still there...there are literally hunderends of coins tossed by others. Some of these coins have even made there way onto  the carpet by the performing dolls and you have to wonder how long they have been there. I always think maybe this would have been one of Lola's favorite rides...for some reason I like it. It reminds me of the wind up musical glass figurines my grandmother bought me on special occasions. I remember thinking how magical they were as a child, a little girl's dream. I even managed to keep one through all these years and moves, when you wind it up, it still moves in a circle and plays a little tune.  I would have loved to share it with Lola....

But on this trip we found two dimes...one in our hotel room and one at the Lego store. Not pennies but they still felt special. I told Milo Lola was really rooting for him to get a new Lego set! And that is  the everyday magic from an angel or our special angel, Lola.  I just feel she is always with us....

Lots of Love and Have a magical day! 

The mother of an angel

90 Months

I have always loved the beach. The waves, the sand in your toes and just the feeling of relaxation that it brings. It reminds me of being a kid and spending endless summer days at Lake Michigan. To be a kid and care free again.....that is why it is such a joy to watch Milo and Finley have their own beach adventures. One thing we love to do together is search for sea shells. Milo has become my shell buddy, as we look for the most unique and sometimes large shells. We always look for our Lola angel shells and if we don't find one, we look for the pink/reddosh shells to add to our Lola collection. I keep them in a small shiny silver bowl in my night stand, it's the perfect Lola treasure. See even at the beach, she's with us and creating memories.

Love-
The Mother of an Angel

89 Months

There is always this feeling I get after the holidays,  all the joy and excitement that surrounds it ends so quickly. The tree becomes full of all the opened presents, the elf has gone back to the north pole and Santa is no longer watching if we have been good or bad. Oh and the music, suddenly we can't listen to Christmas music anymore! It is always hard to take down the Lola tree, I secretly wish we could keep it up all year long. I noticed this year that each angel has a box or container it belongs to. The process of taking it down seems to go effortlessly, everything has a place.

It reminded me about the place Lola holds in my heart. She can't be with us but she is forever and ever in my heart and on my mind. I hope the tree is a good representation of our never ending love for her. So until next year the angel box is packed away but I already can't wait to find our next angel ornament for 2017.  It will be a year of making new memories but always treasuring the memories and people we hold dear to our hearts.

Love- The Mother of an Angel

88 Months

Tonight as we walked the harbor in Key West a small gust of wind came through the island and all the wind chimes chimes from the little store on the corner  started to "sing" in unison. It was kind of magical, just like this time of year. It made me think of Lola.

Her tree is up, with a sparkling 77 angels this year. It is amazing and special to see this collection come out year after year. Our favorite holiday tradition. Milo also donated toys today in honor of Miss Lola to the Wesley House here in the Keys. It was fun to pick out the pink Shopkins and Disney girl castle, with hopes that we can spread joy to others during this season. I know Lola has taught our family so much about giving and what a gift it is.❤️A perfect way to celebrate Lola this Christmas.

Happy Holidays!

Love,
Lola's Mom