107 Months

A week ago a “memory” came up on my Facebook account....nine years ago we must have been looking for place to live in Carmel. I recall it not being the easiest house hunt but I must have replied to someone how stressed I felt with the baby (Lola) on the way and wanted to be settled. I think that’s the typical feeling of  a 8.5 month pregnant lady! Now when I read that comment, I just had to laugh at myself because it was so minute in the grand scheme of things. Lola could have come to her first home being a Hyatt hotel and it wouldn’t have  mattered. Lola never got to come home with us from the hospital so her nursery or anything wasn’t really important. Sometimes stress and worry just consume us and for all the wrong reasons....I wish I could have had a little more time enjoying the end of my pregnancy with Lola. We did end up finding a place to live in Pacific Grove, two blocks from the ocean and it ended up being my healing spot. Walking and sitting on the same bench everyday for months...it doesn’t matter where you live, what house you live in, it just matters that you are with the people you love and make you happy.

Love you Lola!
The Mother of an Angel

106 Months

It seemed like it had been awhile since  our family had found any pennies from heaven.

I remember looking up at the bright blue sky and saying to myself, “Lola, just one penny please.”

We never found one that day or the next or even the day after that! I came across the saying “life is like a rollercoaster, it is full of ups and downs.” It couldn’t be more true...and a few days later we finally found a penny at the entrance of Epcot. Then  JP found a penny at the airport in Puerto Rico and Finley found a penny at the grocery store the next day. All in a weeks time, my heart was full. 

It’s still comforting to find them and believe for some reason it was there for you to stumble upon...

Thank you Lola!

Love, 

The Mother of an Angel 

105 Months

Lola’s teddy bear has become one of Finely’s favorites. He has gone to show and tell, sleeps in his bed, and  somehow mysterously makes it to my room every morning. It is pretty cute!

It seems like not long ago I was putting that bear on Lola’s baby registry. I remember receiving it as a gift and placing it in the corner of her crib. It is a very snuggly brown bear....I know I sat holding it after coming home from hospital, shedding tears all over him.

Lola would have loved this brown bear and would have enjoyed passing it down to Finley even more. It is neat to see that memory live on, and for Finley to make new memories with it. The Lola Bear.

We love and miss you Lola-

Your Mom

104 Months

Faith to light the darkened sky.
Strength to carry on.
Love to touch and heal the soul,
Hope to grace the dawn.


I wonder how many people have read this plaque in the last five and a half years...I left it at a church in Carmel when we moved, the day of Lola’s third birthday. We had gotten it as a gift after she passed and it sat next to our pink rose tree in the backyard. When we left, I felt like it belonged at that church. It was a Lola memory. We used to frequent there often to remember Lola and continue on our search for peace in our lives. It was a beautiful and special place. The old church building, the ocean views, the bells ringing, the sounds of the nuns chanting and the gardens filled with beautiful flowers and butterflies. I have never found so much peace in one place, even the creek of the heavy door as you opened it to enter the sanctuary, was in fact magical.

I am happy to report that this plaque is still there....many years later.  JP’s parents went to visit the church this last weekend on their California adventure and shared pictures with us.

So my hope is someone read it when they needed it the most in their lives.
Maybe on a day when they could have used a little extra hope or some strength.

This just makes me smile and reminds me of all the beautiful ways Lola has touched others’ lives.

Love-

The mother of an angel

103 Months

I have this amazing doctor in Sarasota, she is so kind and sweet. After my check up last week, she sat and asked me questions about Lola. From what was her name to I bet you think about her everyday. She shared some stories about her  sister who lost a baby to SIDS and most recently a mother here that had twins and died a week later from a blood clot at home. Her point being sometimes these things just don’t make sense and it’s just shitty. At that moment,  I was amazed at how emotional I still get talking about Lola, maybe because no one really asks anymore. It was refreshing for her to say that and to care. As she walked out the door and said, “See you next year,....she added “ always keep her memory alive.” I smiled and thought of this blog and my daily prayers for Lola. Under my breath I muttered , “I will.”

Love-
The Mother of an Angel

102 Months

Time goes so fast....it seems like just minutes ago I stepped outside with Louie to start the day. There is something about the morning darkness and stillness, it is  the magic of  still seeing the stars, though they are fading fast and hearing the animals chatter with their high pitch noises.  I love that peaceful part of the morning because minutes later the sun is rising and the day starts in full swing.  

Sometimes the day doesn’t lend me much time to sit and reflect but that morning moment makes me think Lola. Maybe that Star is her? Or maybe the moment I opened the shutters in my bedroom and I saw a beautiful butterfly flying outside my window...maybe that was her too? If it isn’t, it still made me and stop and think of her, in a good way. Thank God for the beauty of nature and helping remind us of the loved ones we have lost. 

I’ll look for you in the stars...

Love-

The mother of an angel 

101 Months

I was so happy to “put” away Christmas this year...
Every angel is stored away, carefully wrapped in the box labeled “Lola’s angels.”
And honestly before we know it next holiday season will already be here!!! That’s how fast time goes...

I am welcoming 2018 with open arms, hoping there is more joy than sorrow, answers than questions and more smiles than tears. (maybe lots of pennies from Lola too❤️).  It would be nice to have a year like that.

I look forward to my next 11 blogs of 2018, my 365 days of saying goodnight, miss, and love you to Lola and keeping her memory and spirit alive.

Love-
The mother of an angel