There is always this feeling I get after the holidays, all the joy and excitement that surrounds it ends so quickly. The tree becomes full of all the opened presents, the elf has gone back to the north pole and Santa is no longer watching if we have been good or bad. Oh and the music, suddenly we can't listen to Christmas music anymore! It is always hard to take down the Lola tree, I secretly wish we could keep it up all year long. I noticed this year that each angel has a box or container it belongs to. The process of taking it down seems to go effortlessly, everything has a place.
It reminded me about the place Lola holds in my heart. She can't be with us but she is forever and ever in my heart and on my mind. I hope the tree is a good representation of our never ending love for her. So until next year the angel box is packed away but I already can't wait to find our next angel ornament for 2017. It will be a year of making new memories but always treasuring the memories and people we hold dear to our hearts.
Love- The Mother of an Angel
Monday, January 16, 2017
Friday, December 16, 2016
88 Months
Tonight as we walked the harbor in Key West a small gust of wind came through the island and all the wind chimes chimes from the little store on the corner started to "sing" in unison. It was kind of magical, just like this time of year. It made me think of Lola.
Her tree is up, with a sparkling 77 angels this year. It is amazing and special to see this collection come out year after year. Our favorite holiday tradition. Milo also donated toys today in honor of Miss Lola to the Wesley House here in the Keys. It was fun to pick out the pink Shopkins and Disney girl castle, with hopes that we can spread joy to others during this season. I know Lola has taught our family so much about giving and what a gift it is.❤️A perfect way to celebrate Lola this Christmas.
Happy Holidays!
Love,
Lola's Mom
Her tree is up, with a sparkling 77 angels this year. It is amazing and special to see this collection come out year after year. Our favorite holiday tradition. Milo also donated toys today in honor of Miss Lola to the Wesley House here in the Keys. It was fun to pick out the pink Shopkins and Disney girl castle, with hopes that we can spread joy to others during this season. I know Lola has taught our family so much about giving and what a gift it is.❤️A perfect way to celebrate Lola this Christmas.
Happy Holidays!
Love,
Lola's Mom
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
87 Months
Today JP found a penny in Key West, a week ago I found a penny at Milo's basketball practice. For this month of November we are supposed to be expressing gratitude and thinking of all the things we are thankful for, and for me it's still the simplicity of finding a penny that always makes my list. It's the little things...Milo also threw a penny into the small world ride at disneyworld. He was so excited, it was the perfect way to include Lola into one of the most magical places on earth and our family trip. Oh the joy of a penny!
For this season, we have a little wooden tree in our playroom, it is our gratitude tree for Thanksgiving. We all listed things we were thankful for on little colorful fall leaves, of course Lola, Milo, Louie and Finley were my leaves. Everyone is still part of the tree and my heart forever...there are so many things to be thankful for. I think it's hard when we are going through trying times to remember that. I'm not so sure I was thankful for anything when Lola left us, I probably should have been but now as I reflect back there is more gratitude. Being thankful can remind you of all the things that should make our heart and smiles shine. I'm looking forward to finding my next penny...
Love-
The mother of an angel
Sunday, October 16, 2016
86 Months
Last night we lit our candle for Lola for the wave light and also for all the angels that got their wings too soon. I literally sat and said out loud all the names of the babies or moms that this candle represented. The pain is real. My candle is now 7 years old...
I choose to participate in a project called capture your grief.for the month of October. Each day representing a different emotion or journey with Lola. There have been lots more tears while revisiting these memories but the response from others has been amazing and in a way rewarding. I don't feel as I am living with a secret, it's really all out there. Death and loss is uncomfortable topic but Lola is beautiful, her story is heart breaking but maybe she really is making an impact on the world. I hope someone reads it and feels they are not alone in their grief. I hope someone reads it and smiles. I hope someone reads it and asks about the test they can have during their pregnancy that could save their babies life. I hope someone reads it and realizes they can breathe again and honor their loved one. I hope someone reads it and has found a penny that made them think of Lola.
She really was a gorgeous little girl, she will never leave my soul and I promise to keep telling her story. Forever in our hearts, Lola Grace.
Love- The Mother often Angel
Friday, September 16, 2016
85 Months
second grade...
It's hard to believe that Lola would be a second grader, the things we have missed. This time of year seems to be focused around school: getting into a routine, packing lunches, setting alarms, making new friends, and homework. As mothers it's watching our kids grow up in a blink of an eye and seeing them wave good bye to you as they head into school with a smile. Maybe it's also called letting go...
That is probably the hardest part with Lola, it's hard to let go. It seems unfair because I still want to have those first days of school with her and the first "everything." But we can't and still every school year I always think what grade she would be in or how Milo could have his big sister with him in the mornings as they head to class. I know she still watches over him.
We did have a little part of Lola today at Milo's kindergarten teddy bear picnic, actually Lola bear ( a bear from Lola's nursery) came along and snowball. It was fun to have lunch with the boys and all Milo's classmates. I glimpsed at that bear so many times and it made me think of her, kind of like she was enjoying the festivities with us, she is always part of our family. It was a good feeling and it is heartwarming that the boys enjoy that bear and love to play with it because it is one special angel bear.
Love-
The mother of an angel
It's hard to believe that Lola would be a second grader, the things we have missed. This time of year seems to be focused around school: getting into a routine, packing lunches, setting alarms, making new friends, and homework. As mothers it's watching our kids grow up in a blink of an eye and seeing them wave good bye to you as they head into school with a smile. Maybe it's also called letting go...
That is probably the hardest part with Lola, it's hard to let go. It seems unfair because I still want to have those first days of school with her and the first "everything." But we can't and still every school year I always think what grade she would be in or how Milo could have his big sister with him in the mornings as they head to class. I know she still watches over him.
We did have a little part of Lola today at Milo's kindergarten teddy bear picnic, actually Lola bear ( a bear from Lola's nursery) came along and snowball. It was fun to have lunch with the boys and all Milo's classmates. I glimpsed at that bear so many times and it made me think of her, kind of like she was enjoying the festivities with us, she is always part of our family. It was a good feeling and it is heartwarming that the boys enjoy that bear and love to play with it because it is one special angel bear.
Love-
The mother of an angel
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
84 Months
It's her seventh birthday. Seven years. I think back to this day often, what could we have done different, how I didn't know anything was wrong and how things could have been. That was me as I walked along the shoreline today ahead of the group...When I looked back I could see this little seven year old girl hanging on her daddy's arm, Finley picking up seashells and Milo throwing a rock in the water. We would be outnumbered. It would be great. It would be fun and at times a lot but it was the fabulous five. But that's not the story, that's the dream and then reality sets in where I see Lola's pink rose floating away in the clear waters. Finley is picking up shells and Milo is throwing a rock but JP is just watching and walking behind them. He smiles.
It's important to celebrate Lola's day. We have our tradition of the pink balloons that we decorate and send messages to heaven. Throwing the pink rose into the sea. It's tradition to write her a letter on each birthday, which turns into lots of tear stained paper. It's a tradition to give to others on her day. Someone once told me that you can't change what happens but it's what you do after that counts. We could have given up but we didn't. Our family isn't perfect, Lola will always be gone and I'm still working on accepting that, maybe I never will. Maybe my heart won't ever feel complete or will I ever know how it feels to be care free again but I'm going to hang onto hope.
We chose this year to donate money to the victims of the horrible fire occurring in the Big Sur area, very close to where Lola entered this world. A place that is so beautiful, unique and a healing spot for JP and I. Maybe it's beauty helped heal our hearts little by little, I couldn't think of a better birthday gift to help those affected by the fire. We also bought glitter, yes lots of glitter for Bookworm Gardens. I kept thinking what girl doesn't love glitter as we picked this request off the wishing tree...
So the day is almost over, dark skies are surrounding us and I honestly feel a little more at peace. The weeks and days leading up to her birthday are painful, the anticipation is the worst. But I do thank God for the memories I have of Lola. I can close my eyes and picture her face, that sweet angelic face. So Happy Birthday Pretty Girl, may the love and prayers from all your family and friends be felt all the way to heaven today.
Love-
Your Mom
It's important to celebrate Lola's day. We have our tradition of the pink balloons that we decorate and send messages to heaven. Throwing the pink rose into the sea. It's tradition to write her a letter on each birthday, which turns into lots of tear stained paper. It's a tradition to give to others on her day. Someone once told me that you can't change what happens but it's what you do after that counts. We could have given up but we didn't. Our family isn't perfect, Lola will always be gone and I'm still working on accepting that, maybe I never will. Maybe my heart won't ever feel complete or will I ever know how it feels to be care free again but I'm going to hang onto hope.
We chose this year to donate money to the victims of the horrible fire occurring in the Big Sur area, very close to where Lola entered this world. A place that is so beautiful, unique and a healing spot for JP and I. Maybe it's beauty helped heal our hearts little by little, I couldn't think of a better birthday gift to help those affected by the fire. We also bought glitter, yes lots of glitter for Bookworm Gardens. I kept thinking what girl doesn't love glitter as we picked this request off the wishing tree...
So the day is almost over, dark skies are surrounding us and I honestly feel a little more at peace. The weeks and days leading up to her birthday are painful, the anticipation is the worst. But I do thank God for the memories I have of Lola. I can close my eyes and picture her face, that sweet angelic face. So Happy Birthday Pretty Girl, may the love and prayers from all your family and friends be felt all the way to heaven today.
Love-
Your Mom
Saturday, July 16, 2016
83 Months
As I sat down to write this blog tonight there is a beautiful rainbow outside my window. The dreary skies are turning into night and this rainbow is slowly disappearing each time I peek to look at it. In fact now it's gone.
Time either goes too fast or too slow...I honestly can't believe in one month it would or I should say will be Lola's 7th birthday. This time of year comes with such mixed emotions. It is almost like you can replay everything that happened over and over again. And here we still are. I would much rather be planning a seventh birthday party versus thinking of some type of charitable contribution to celebrate her day.
The rainbow made me smile and think when I sat down this evening, my first rainbow blog I guess. Maybe Lola and God were trying to tell me something. Sometimes you just have to trust but never fully understand.
Love-
The mother of an angel
Time either goes too fast or too slow...I honestly can't believe in one month it would or I should say will be Lola's 7th birthday. This time of year comes with such mixed emotions. It is almost like you can replay everything that happened over and over again. And here we still are. I would much rather be planning a seventh birthday party versus thinking of some type of charitable contribution to celebrate her day.
The rainbow made me smile and think when I sat down this evening, my first rainbow blog I guess. Maybe Lola and God were trying to tell me something. Sometimes you just have to trust but never fully understand.
Love-
The mother of an angel
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