Happy 2nd Birthday Lola!!!!!
I can't believe the day has come and gone already...replaying in my head a million times over holding her for the first time and too quickly having to say good bye. I can close my eyes and imagine our family. Louie, Lola and Milo all playing together, the best smiles, giggling..rolling on the floor, while lou of course would give them the occasional barks!Lola blowing out her candles on her cake and all of us singing and clapping along. What a wonderful world that would be...
2 years of saying hello to Lola everyday and endless nights of prayers. I just want some reassurance that she is okay...so I pray about it. I hope someone is there to cuddle her, hug her when she falls, and wipe away her tears when she misses her mom and dad. God only knows how much we miss her.
For her birthday we wanted her to know how much she means to us, she is never forgotten and I think we have started some Lola Bday traditions!!!
2 birthday balloons sent direct to heaven (one day delivery of course) to Lola filled with wishes.
2 Pink roses. One sent off in the deep blue ocean waters by her Daddy and One left at the church in Carmel.
A box full of the brighest crayons, fun colored pencils, endless notebooks, colorful erasers, rulers, folders and highliters for the LIFE after school tutoring program in Salinas. I think the "life" program was perfectly fitting for this celebration.
a beautiful pink rose bush planted in our backyard..I think our daily chats will happen here. JP planted it with such love. I can only imagine it will be a special spot for him also.
An of course, writing our birthday letters to Lola, one of my most favorite things. It is so emotional but healing. Each letter is placed in her angel book.
It was special to be together on this day.
We visited the most beautiful church also on Lola's day. We were meant to be there. Beautiful gardens, we found an angel statue hiding in the greens. Walking up the stairs to enter the church, you get a feeling this place is somewhat magical. It was just the 3 of us there. Then you look up and the mural in the sancturary is breathtaking. Cheribum Angels surrounding 2 women holding a baby...we were meant to be there. This is where we were to celebrate Lola's birthday. I just felt like in some sense she was there with us. It warms my heart just thinking about it.
There is never enough I could say about all the feelings and emotions that are wrapped up into her day. JP put it best in his letter to her...we miss you so much and we can only imagine how fun it is to dance in the clouds. We can't wait to dance in the clouds someday all together!
Love to Lola, Our angel, Our baby girl....
happy birthday!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
23 Months
One month away from the big 2 for Lola...just seems so unreal. This month marked 2 years since we have moved out to California, all those hopes and dreams we had then for her.Pregnant and moving, a crazy Mom I was! All the excitement, getting her "second" nursery ready...only for everything to turn into our worst nightmire. I always, and will always wonder if things would have been different if we would have never made the venture out here, probably why California will never be home for us.....
Grandma Jean or as Milo calls her "nana" :) is here to visit us, she made a cake for Lola today. She made the same exact one week before Lola's due date calling it her pre-birthday arrival cake...we all enjoyed our piece, it brings back a lot of memories. It is like if I close my eyes I can picture it all, I vividly remember the last night I spent with Lola kicking in my belly. Watching a movie with JP, curled up on the tan couch and even talking to his dear friend John Leis about his new baby, and how Landon and Lola would be great buddies! It is weird how one moment can be filled with so much happiness and the next it is gone.
I guess that is why we hold on to those memories so tight, they make you feel warm and fuzzy for a moment in time...
I will remember those fun itty kicks Lo.....
Happy Day Lola!
Grandma Jean or as Milo calls her "nana" :) is here to visit us, she made a cake for Lola today. She made the same exact one week before Lola's due date calling it her pre-birthday arrival cake...we all enjoyed our piece, it brings back a lot of memories. It is like if I close my eyes I can picture it all, I vividly remember the last night I spent with Lola kicking in my belly. Watching a movie with JP, curled up on the tan couch and even talking to his dear friend John Leis about his new baby, and how Landon and Lola would be great buddies! It is weird how one moment can be filled with so much happiness and the next it is gone.
I guess that is why we hold on to those memories so tight, they make you feel warm and fuzzy for a moment in time...
I will remember those fun itty kicks Lo.....
Happy Day Lola!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
22 Months...
Make yourself familiar with angels, and behold them frequently in spirit;for without being seen, they are present with you.
I always feel like somehow Lola makes her presence felt with us...or else we are out there looking for it. On our wedding anniversary we spent the day at the aquarium, a little lunch and then we headed back to our car. Right as we approached it, I spotted a penny...I was SO excited! I yelled out to JP and he found 2 other ones, one penny for each of us. I remember looking up at the sky and saying thanks to little Lola. I am not sure anniversary presents get better than that! It also made me feel complete for a second in time, though to many we look like a family of 3, we are and always will be a family of 4. ( well 4.5 counting Lou Dog!) I am blessed with one angel here on earth and one angel in heaven.Sometimes I even sign cards with all of our names.
I already have the 2 year anniversay anxiety. So much has changed, so many dreams were lost, some regained...we hit the lowest and the highest peak. With I suspect many more mountains in life to climb, and someone up above to guide the way.
22 Months Baby Girl!
Hugs and Kisses!
Mom
I always feel like somehow Lola makes her presence felt with us...or else we are out there looking for it. On our wedding anniversary we spent the day at the aquarium, a little lunch and then we headed back to our car. Right as we approached it, I spotted a penny...I was SO excited! I yelled out to JP and he found 2 other ones, one penny for each of us. I remember looking up at the sky and saying thanks to little Lola. I am not sure anniversary presents get better than that! It also made me feel complete for a second in time, though to many we look like a family of 3, we are and always will be a family of 4. ( well 4.5 counting Lou Dog!) I am blessed with one angel here on earth and one angel in heaven.Sometimes I even sign cards with all of our names.
I already have the 2 year anniversay anxiety. So much has changed, so many dreams were lost, some regained...we hit the lowest and the highest peak. With I suspect many more mountains in life to climb, and someone up above to guide the way.
22 Months Baby Girl!
Hugs and Kisses!
Mom
Monday, May 16, 2011
21 Months
The number keeps on getting higher and higher...
Tonight I turned on a small silver lamp in our hallway...it seems to really illuminate the tiny area of our upstairs built-in. Directly below this lamp, graces pictures of Lola and her beautiful footprints. "Lola, In our hearts forever." In our hearts, in our daily thoughts, in the beauty of nature...whatever sparks your mind of her. The light just seemed to shine a little brighter tonight...
There are so many things that are Lola to me...when the sun glares of the ocean waters, a color butterfly, a rainbow, a glowing star, songs/music/lyrics, pennies. It is so important to take those moments in, those are the "L-moments."
Milo played with a little girl exactly Lola's age at birthday party we attended a couple weeks back. It was such a surreal moment for me, in a perfect world that would be our life, perfect family...kids playing together. Though she can't be with us here on earth, I do believe she is always watching over us from heaven. Maybe she sings with us at night before mi's bed time....twinkle twinkle little star...
Sweet Dreams.
Tonight I turned on a small silver lamp in our hallway...it seems to really illuminate the tiny area of our upstairs built-in. Directly below this lamp, graces pictures of Lola and her beautiful footprints. "Lola, In our hearts forever." In our hearts, in our daily thoughts, in the beauty of nature...whatever sparks your mind of her. The light just seemed to shine a little brighter tonight...
There are so many things that are Lola to me...when the sun glares of the ocean waters, a color butterfly, a rainbow, a glowing star, songs/music/lyrics, pennies. It is so important to take those moments in, those are the "L-moments."
Milo played with a little girl exactly Lola's age at birthday party we attended a couple weeks back. It was such a surreal moment for me, in a perfect world that would be our life, perfect family...kids playing together. Though she can't be with us here on earth, I do believe she is always watching over us from heaven. Maybe she sings with us at night before mi's bed time....twinkle twinkle little star...
Sweet Dreams.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
20 Months...
What does loss mean....???
I thought this to myself tonight. Loss takes place in so many shapes and forms. Loss of Love, Loss of a house, Loss of a pet, Loss of your child...to each person their loss is the greatest of all. All losses hurt, though most mend themselves, well others will never be fixed.
To me, my devastation in life is the death of Lola. It feels not right, like how could this be part of the "plan"? As I read in our Easter Devotional from our church..."Parents aren't supposed to outlive their children." Hopelessness....
JP and I were blessed to spend the night today with a very special couple. The day after Thanksgiving, their 2.5 year old son passed away from a brain ainurism...one moment he was playing in the meadow and the next he tragically fainted in their living room. My heart hurts for this family and it was very healing for both of us to sit and just talk and talk about all the what ifs and buts....but also for the peace we have all accepted with our situations. They are beautiful people and I will cherish how they shared their little one with us. We saw pictures, videos...it is amazing how as we "grow" with what our lives have dealt us, we somehow learn to cope. I guess God gives us that hope back....
Elvira shared with me a letter she sent to all her friends and family...which read " We believe God sends friends as a blessing in times like these. You are holding us in your hands, helping us going through this sorrow." I don't think I could put it any better....
So for anyone that is dealing with a loss of any kind, if you look around and deep in your heart you will see all the love that surrounds you by the people that we call family and friends.....
August 16, 2009 changed my world forever. Saying Good Bye is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but I know that Lola is a beautiful angel in heaven and thanks all the people that "held" her mom and dads hands during their journey of healing....which is never ending
I thought this to myself tonight. Loss takes place in so many shapes and forms. Loss of Love, Loss of a house, Loss of a pet, Loss of your child...to each person their loss is the greatest of all. All losses hurt, though most mend themselves, well others will never be fixed.
To me, my devastation in life is the death of Lola. It feels not right, like how could this be part of the "plan"? As I read in our Easter Devotional from our church..."Parents aren't supposed to outlive their children." Hopelessness....
JP and I were blessed to spend the night today with a very special couple. The day after Thanksgiving, their 2.5 year old son passed away from a brain ainurism...one moment he was playing in the meadow and the next he tragically fainted in their living room. My heart hurts for this family and it was very healing for both of us to sit and just talk and talk about all the what ifs and buts....but also for the peace we have all accepted with our situations. They are beautiful people and I will cherish how they shared their little one with us. We saw pictures, videos...it is amazing how as we "grow" with what our lives have dealt us, we somehow learn to cope. I guess God gives us that hope back....
Elvira shared with me a letter she sent to all her friends and family...which read " We believe God sends friends as a blessing in times like these. You are holding us in your hands, helping us going through this sorrow." I don't think I could put it any better....
So for anyone that is dealing with a loss of any kind, if you look around and deep in your heart you will see all the love that surrounds you by the people that we call family and friends.....
August 16, 2009 changed my world forever. Saying Good Bye is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but I know that Lola is a beautiful angel in heaven and thanks all the people that "held" her mom and dads hands during their journey of healing....which is never ending
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
19 Months...
Every month I can't believe how this number grows and grows...and many questions run back and forth through my head. Today I had my Lola moment, as milo and I drove in the car to Pacific Grove for his play group. I sobbed the whole way there as I was peeking at little Milo's face in his play mirror. There is always something about that drive to PG that makes me squirm or maybe it reminds me of how "dark" our lives were. It is a place I never want to go, but then again to say sadness doesn't gloom over lives would be an understatement because the sadness and emptiness is always there. To be honest, it just stinks....it is like the broken heart that can never be cured.
On this day, I know I hug Milo a little tighter and remind Louie and Milo of Lola, we talk about how beautiful she is and how she is watching over them in heaven. Actually I read a book. that says when you need an angel in your life you just need to whisper their name and they will be there...Milo will have the best BIG sister angel ever.
19 Months better be a big celebration in heaven....Happy Day to you Lola!
On this day, I know I hug Milo a little tighter and remind Louie and Milo of Lola, we talk about how beautiful she is and how she is watching over them in heaven. Actually I read a book. that says when you need an angel in your life you just need to whisper their name and they will be there...Milo will have the best BIG sister angel ever.
19 Months better be a big celebration in heaven....Happy Day to you Lola!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
18 Months and a Rainy Day....
I guess when it rains, it pours...that is our weather here today. But with rain, comes rainbows and that is exactly what JP saw today, 2 of them!!! I find rainbows so amazing, their colors are so vibrant, you never see the "real" end of them, and they possess almost a type of magic to them. Mystical like an angel. Yes, I think pennies and rainbows are signs from Lola. They are those little glimmers of hope or maybe the twinkle we would see in her eyes.
I often look at Milo and wonder what features I can pick up on him from Lola. I can't help but think of all the milestones we reach with him, the first smile, gigglea and think of all the things we missed out on with Lola. The things that make you a mother of an angel, I guess we let our imaginations run wild. Milo was baptised last week. It was so beautiful and even more special that it was held in the church garden, right next to the angel fountain. It was like she was right there with us, I know she was. We lit her a beautiful candle, said a prayer and celebrated Milo's moment, as a family. Always keeping her memory alive...
On another note, our orchad from Lola's passing is not blooming, it the first time in 18 months when there is not a flower on it or a bud in progress. It makes me sad but I am hoping it will turn around. :) Amazing, how a flower can represnt so much and become so special...it blooms WHITE flowers.
To Lola- We Miss and Love You!
Dad, Mom, Milo and Louie
I often look at Milo and wonder what features I can pick up on him from Lola. I can't help but think of all the milestones we reach with him, the first smile, gigglea and think of all the things we missed out on with Lola. The things that make you a mother of an angel, I guess we let our imaginations run wild. Milo was baptised last week. It was so beautiful and even more special that it was held in the church garden, right next to the angel fountain. It was like she was right there with us, I know she was. We lit her a beautiful candle, said a prayer and celebrated Milo's moment, as a family. Always keeping her memory alive...
On another note, our orchad from Lola's passing is not blooming, it the first time in 18 months when there is not a flower on it or a bud in progress. It makes me sad but I am hoping it will turn around. :) Amazing, how a flower can represnt so much and become so special...it blooms WHITE flowers.
To Lola- We Miss and Love You!
Dad, Mom, Milo and Louie
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