163 Months

        We saw the most beautiful rainbow following a light rain at the beach.  That single rainbow suddenly turned into a double rainbow. The colors were absolutely vibrant and filled the entire sky. It was the second time in my life I can clearly remember seeing a double rainbow. JP said it was a sign! Those are the moments when you are on a family vacation, and you are gently reminded of those who are missing. You wonder what this trip would have been like with them...what would have Lola liked to do. I will take that rainbow and beautiful sunrise as a small heavenly wink from her. She is always with us...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

162 Months

 Tonight, our family headed to one of our favorite spots. We had great conversations with a retired couple on vacation as we all waited in a rather long line. Halfway through our que we had a magical moment, JP found a penny! It was perfect timing and a perfect reminder of how Lola is with us always, even at Disney waiting for a ride. I told Milo there is no better feeling than finding a penny on Lola's day. He just smiled....

Love Always,

The Mother of an Angel

161 Months

    We watched the most spectacular sunrise this morning for Lola and my dad. I made sure to set two alarms just in case! I honestly can't recall the last time I watched the sunrise over the ocean, and it was definitely worth the early wake up. It was absolutely stunning and glorious. The vivid colors, the sun slowly peeking through the clouds, and the loud crashing waves below it. Milo said the ocean seemed angry, but that sunrise would tell me otherwise.  It was almost as if our loved ones in heaven were saying hi to us in their own way... It was a great way to start Lola's day.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

160 Months

 It is that time of year again...Lola's angel tree is up and shining in all its glory. The angel we purchased for her for 2022 is lined with gold as she holds a trumpet. It is placed perfectly in the middle of the tree. Though there hasn't been much time to sit around and enjoy it's beauty, I have stolen a couple late night minutes looking at all the angels, sparkling in the white lights. I just love them and her. All the angel ornament gifts represent those that love her too. We adopted a foster girl for gifts this year. She was about fifteen. Milo and I kept saying we hope she likes what we picked out from her list, the season is about giving, and it is more special to give in Lola's honor. 

Merry Christmas to all...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

159 Months

         My dad's funeral was exactly one year ago today. I found it very special or sign in some way that it was on the 16th. He would always tell me on the 16th or day after that he read her/my blog and then text that he thinks of her every day. I envision he probably watched the sunrise a hundred times and thought of her too. Maybe they get to watch it together now... I am itching to go home; I can't wait to go to the lake (even in the freezing wintry cold) and see a majestic sunrise over Lake Michigan for Lola and my dad. A way to keep their memories alive...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

158 Months

         The International Wave of Light was yesterday, honoring babies around the world who died during pregnancy, were a stillborn, or died as an infant. Our candle glowed for an hour in honor of our sweet Lola. Milo wants to know how much longer we can use this same candle, possibly for eternity. As Finley blew out the candle at the end of our precious time, he sweetly whispered, "I wish you were here." Those are the times you are holding back your tears and trying to smile. I think as my boys grow up, they will continue to honor their sister's memory, at least that is my hope. Even today they both threw pennies into the Epcot fountain for her. Lola sure would have had fun with them! One can only dream...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

157 Months

 This week I had the pleasure of volunteering at school picture day at the boys' school. It was such a joy to help the students get ready for their picture. I had middle school kids, second graders, third graders, and all the Special Ed students. I just have such a soft spot in my heart for those students. Just trying to get them to look at the camera, not be afraid, or smile was a huge task. Jingling keys, squeaking a mouse, and having combs in the air...we knew the picture was special for their parents. As I walked out of the gymnasium it made me think of an instance after Lola passed that really hit home. One nurse had come into my room saying you know she would have never "been okay" if she had made it through, I remember wanting to shout at her that I didn't care, why would she ever say that. I would have been happy if Lola was here regardless.  People say all the wrong things in time of grieving. I have learned sometimes no words, are the best words.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel