116 Months

Every night I say prayers with my boys before bed.  I feel like we follow a 'prayer order," starting with themselves and going down the line. Lola is always part of our prayer line up, just maybe God can let her know we think of her and love her so much.  Milo has started to say his own prayers (he is growing up too fast), but Finley will speak up when I say, "Finley's special prayer is for...." It has been hard to watch these little boys grieve for their best buddy Louie, and their continuos request has been for him almost every night since he past. I love to think that Lola and Louie are together, maybe it just makes the pain a little less or comforts me. What we wouldn't give to have one more day, even one more hour, or minute with them....for my little boys they just want to snuggle their dog again and meet their sister. Grieving takes time, it just doesn't go away.....

love,
the mother of an angel

115 Months

On Monday, March 11 right before noon we said our final good bye to our sweet dog Louie. I am not exaggerating when I say he was simply the best! Loyal, snuggly, attentive, smart, bossy, playful, loveable....those are just a few words to describe him. We could not have asked for a better gift, or member of our family. Louie just always seemed to complete us. Now that’s he’s gone I think we all feel a little lost. Louie has gone through a lot with our family, and no matter what happened there was Louie with his little adorable face and big eyes looking right at you, or ready to jump into your lap! He knew a tail wag or puppy kiss would generally make someone smile....I just truly loved that dog with my whole heart, he was my life savior. I sat and told him all our memories, from the moment we met  him until now. He just curled up beside me....wow, we had the best of times.

I’ll never forget when JP snuck him into the hospital after Lola left us, they both just wanted to make me smile. When I returned home from the most awful car ride from the Monterey hospital, Louie was there. He didn’t leave my side that day and for many days after that, even to the bathroom!  That was my Louie. We would sit in the empty nursery together and rock on the green chair together, we would walk past the ocean and sit on our bench everyday. I’m not sure I could ever repay him, expect that I hope he knows what love and admiration I had for him.

Louie gave me three big kisses on Monday and I told him to go to Lola, she needs her puppy in heaven. I also told him I would look at the stars each night and think of him. My two sweet Lo’s are gone, and I pray they are together. That same day I walked around my backyatd, and watched as my neighbor girl was running and her puppy was chasing her. I hope that is how Louie and Lola are.
I picked up Louie’s ashes today and now they are beside Lola’s. I wish we could all have more time...it’s just never enough.

This month we also lost Great Grandpa Doepke at the age of 103, he was just a wonderful, kind, and caring person. What an amazing life he lived and such a great role model for our family. I will always remember the tours of Alexian Village, and the beautiful Lola Grace Doepke tile he would always show us and their angel collection by the chapel. I bet Lola is enjoying meeting all her family, even though we miss them here so much.

Love,
The Mother of an Angel

114 Months

I think our family has had a little bit of every sickness out there the last month, from runny noses to lingering coughs and a stomach bug, I’m not sure we are catching a break!   The days are a little longer, the boys are a little crabby,  and we all feel a little more worn down than normal. That is okay though, because I keep reminding myself every night this soon will pass and this temporary bug will be over with. Sometimes it is so easy to be caught up in the moment when things are bad, or even our future worries. I think one thing Lola reminds me of everyday is to always live in the present moment and day, not the yesterday and tomorrow. I even find myself telling this to Milo, we both smile when I say it and I just thank Lola for this simple life lesson. We love you Lola!

Love,
The Mother of an Angel

113 Months

Last month I was debating if I would be able able to join my best girlfriends on a NYC holiday trip. Our precious dog Louie was not doing well and I had been at the vet with him just a couple days before I was supposed to  fly out. I was so torn. I felt so bad leaving Louie and giving JP the extra stress of caring for our sick dog. He assured me he had it all under control with his a smile and a hug....I packed last minute and decided to go. Now traveling  kid free is such a strange feeling or to even have time to myself! I actually bought a magazine, it’s really the little things!  We boarded the plane and as I sat down at my aisle seat, I quickly shoved my purse below....and there was a shiny penny right in front of me. What are the chances! I smiled and took a deep breathe. It really was okay to go, see I forgot we have this amazing angel watching over us all the time and I just needed that reminder.

It ended up being an amazing trip. JP held down the fort, and  I even found another penny along the way....
Thank You Lola.

Love,
The Mother of an Angel

112 Months

The new angel ornament for Lola’s tree  this year is simple and beautiful. It’s a silhouette of a small angel with a mirrored reflection hanging from a white elegant ribbon. The white Christmas lights bounce off of it and the reflections of the glass bulbs around it make it shimmer. The pure simplicity of this ornament is my favorite thing. If you get close enough you can even  see yourself in it, and wow how things have changed since Lola left. This angel tree keeps her memory alive and helps us carry on our angel tradition and collection. One day I hope my boys will love it as much as I do....
I still enjoy hanging each ornament that we have received over the past years in her memory and thinking of the person who gave it to us. Some of those people are no longer with us, making it even more special. Merry Christmas to all...

Love,
The Mother of an Angel

111 Months

With Thanksgiving just days away the focus around our house has been “what are we grateful for.”
With so many things on the list from toys to food and family, I focused my attention on one penny I found with Finley a week ago. I still delight in finding pennies and the love the “spark” they add to our day. The days go too fast, no day is perfect, and sometimes we just need  a minute to sit in the middle of all the chaos. That penny from Lola was my breathing moment, we really need time to take more breaths and look up at the beautiful sun and sky all around us. So my penny thankfulness, made me think how thankful I was for the bright warm sunshine and white fluffy clouds on that day. ( also the BIG smile Finely got from finding a L penny!). There is always a million things to be thankful for , I’ve learned the simplest things are the best ones.

Love you Lola-

Mother of an Angel

110 Months

Lighting our Lola candle on October 15th every year and participating in the Wave of Light is very special to our family. We only use our candle on two occasions each year, her birthday and participating in the candle lighting for every baby that has left us too soon. I can’t begin to imagine all the candles that were shining bright around the world. The mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents, and friends who all share the bond of that loss. Lola may not have been with us for long but her existence and memory sure light up our hearts and minds, just like that candle flame. We put out her little white candle on my grandmother’s sparkling glass candle holder ( the one she would only take out of the China cabinet on special holidays or our Christmas cookie tea party) and we placed her beautiful picture right beside it. I think we took a moment to breathe and returned to our hustle.  A hour later, Milo blew it out with a little bit of a whistle.  The ending of another Wave of Light....

We love you Lola-

Love, 

The Mother of an Angel