101 Months

I was so happy to “put” away Christmas this year...
Every angel is stored away, carefully wrapped in the box labeled “Lola’s angels.”
And honestly before we know it next holiday season will already be here!!! That’s how fast time goes...

I am welcoming 2018 with open arms, hoping there is more joy than sorrow, answers than questions and more smiles than tears. (maybe lots of pennies from Lola too❤️).  It would be nice to have a year like that.

I look forward to my next 11 blogs of 2018, my 365 days of saying goodnight, miss, and love you to Lola and keeping her memory and spirit alive.

Love-
The mother of an angel

100 months

This year Lola's tree has 79 angels in our collection. Our family added two angels to our tree and a butterfly. The first ornament is a winter scene with a small angel placing her hand on a deer.  It's very peaceful and tranquil, something about it makes you smile. This is Finley's favorite because it lights up! It has become his duty to turn it on every morning...but what I love most about this one in particular is when I click off the tree at night, it's the last light glowing. All on its own, it definitely captures the magic and spirit of this tree and Lola.

Our second ornament was a little seashell angel the boys picked out. They know how much we love angels at Christmas time! 

And the butterfly...though not an angel, it's a beautiful glass butterfly. They tend to  symbolize endurance, change, hope and life. This ornament also has etched in it 2017 and I think I needed it to represent the amazing and special women and little girl I have lost. It will be a reminder each year of them. Christmas is such a special time and is full of such wonderful memories for me as a child. I never want to forget that. No one should ever be forgotten, the young and the old.

I just love the Lola tree tradition. I love the collection. I love the sparkles and everything shiny that encompasses this tree. It's the perfect way to capture Lola. This year it also gave me the chance to enjoy the moment of putting up all the angels my mom and grandma had sent over the years. It made it even more special. We truly everyday miss Lola with all our hearts.

Merry Christmas and don't ever forget those angels....

Love- Lola's Mom 

99 Months

Finely and I picked out a little Christmas angel today for Lola. The funny thing about this ornamnet is, it's not perfect.  It maybe shaped a little funny at the bottom and Finley referred to it as "broken." I guess we could have easily picked another one but I felt like this needed to be on our tree, just the way it is.  It reminds me that just like our lives, there will always be imperfections. I sometimes close my eyes and think of this journey, my personal life journey. I feel like I somehow must have done something terribly wrong to endure the losses and struggles  we have. And then sometimes a smile on my boy's face or a day of health can remind me of some of my incredible blessings too, it's that friendly reminder that things could always be worse.

This angel was a perfect reminder of that today for me and as we walked out of the store Finely said "Mom, what's next on the list?" My heart said so much more....so much more.....

Love-
The mother of an angel

98 Months

"A luminous light remains where a beautiful soul has passed."

A perfect quote to capture the beauty and meaning of the Wave of light which was yesterday, a day to remember all those little babies that have been taken from us to soon. I just can't even begin to imagine all the candles that were lit yesterday for these angels. The candle flame seems to hold so much beauty and peace to it, we use the same candle every year for Lola's birthday and this occasion.
It's getting smaller as the years go by and taking different shapes and molds, much like our grief.
Last night this candle had some wax leak onto the counter.  As the piece dried, I picked it up and looked like the shape of an angel wing!  I even asked JP what he saw- just to make sure I wasn't a little bit crazy! It made last night even more special for us....it's definitely Lola's candle.

There truly isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about Lola-it seems when I have a moment to myself she's the first thing that pops up. It's just that missing piece of your life....I think the wave of light gives us an extra special time to focus on her, to love, to grieve and to try to embrace her journey. It's also great to know we are not alone...

We love you so much Lola-

Mother of an Angel

97 Months

When I had one hour to pack up our suitcases to head out from Hurricane Irma there wasn't a lot of time to stop and think... The only thing on my mind was our essentials for a couple days. In what seemed like a mad dash to beat traffic and secure fuel for our car, I froze. I wanted and needed to take with me a couple things that meant the most to me, Lola's urn and my angel box. I could never imagine them not being with us or not being able to see them again, and so we all headed out at one am in the morning for what turned out to be a twelve hour drive. We made it to our destination.  Our house and community missed the wrath of Irma and my treasured items came back home. I would like to believe just maybe they helped us along the way too!

We always need an angel by our sides....
Thanks Lola!

Love -
The Mother of an Angel

96 Months

Happy Birthday Sweet Lola.

It's been 8 years...
I treasure  the traditions we have started and continue every year on your birthday. I love that your brothers share the joy in it, from coloring you a special pink balloon, to giggling at eight bouncy balloons! It's our family.  I think this time of year I tend to focus on all the memories and time we have lost with Lola. All the cries, smiles, battles, whining, giggles, screams, the everything, the good and the bad. I'm not sure why this was her plan, why this was our plan and it still makes me angry. Eight years later it still does not make sense but I have to trust God on this one.

My day started by hearing that it was the 40th year celebration of Elvis Presley's death, I could not believe my Grandma Mary had never shared this with me- Elvis and Lola had something in common. It made me think of my Grandma, Mom and Lola. Sigh and a Smile, maybe Lola was having an Elvis dance Birthday party this year. She has more family to celebrate with....

It's hard to loose our family members and loved ones, losing Lola is the hardest thing ever and still is. I am so blessed this year to be able to purchase in her memory a granite book at bookworm gardens to celebrate this angelversary. It is something I have always wanted to do! ( thank you grandma) I look forward to my next visit to Sheboygan to enter this magical story garden and take a seat in the memory library, looking at her special book. A little Lola spot, I've always thought it would be so perfect.

Her memory lives on. From the cards, sweet messages and even a surprise of providing  meals to the needy in her memory at a soup kitchen today. A lot of people remembered you today Lola. You are so loved, missed and treasured always.

Love you to the moon and Back-

mother of an angel

95 Months

The other day I felt like I needed a sign, a little something to give me a "push."
I got out of the car, looked up at the bright blue sky and said "Lola, I really really need a penny today."Milo looked at me with a confused grin and we carried on....I didn't particularly believe we would find one but hoped. It's been a hard year, hard last few months  and in my heart I just needed this. This penny to me was almost  like a reassurance things were going to be okay...

At our last stop of the day, unloading the boys from the car in the Florida afternoon heat, there lay a shiny penny in the parking lot. Milo squealed and quickly grabbed it. We got our special request penny, maybe everything was going to be okay. I needed that Lola penny, that reminder. Thank you Lola!

Love- The Mother of an Angel