71 Months

6 years ago at this time JP and I were taking a new adventure to settle into Carmel. We were house hunting, learning a new area and expecting Lola's arrival in one month.  Fast forward 6 years and here we are in our new house (one month tomorrow) with boxes to be unpacked, pictures to hung on the walls and two little boys. Think of all that has happened in six years....lots of hellos and good byes. We lost my Grandpa, JP's Grandmother and my Uncle Steve. We gained new friends that are like family, We made some great memories. We have dealt with struggles and  always the loss of Lola. We never ever give up because if we did we would miss out on the smiles and happiness that occur just in everyday simple things.

We have only found one penny since we have been here...It was at Milo's new school right before we walked in to meet with the principal to discuss Milo's allergies. The meeting went great and that penny was my affirmation that this was the right choice, I feel like he will be safe. Kind of a blessing that penny was in a way,

I love angel signs, I may repeat that way too often in my blogs. My other special angel sign was before closing on our house, we met with our loan officer and she shook Milo's hand, she turned to us said " I know another Milo in Texas and he has a sister named  Lola....I guess somethings are meant to be. Thank You Lola!


Love-
Lola's Mom

70 Months

I often hear the comment, " you look like your mom"....and then when we saw Lola everyone said she looked like her Dad. Then you hear Milo and Finley look like twins. It is interesting how different people view your children and who they look like or what side of the family. As Finley will quickly be approaching his first birthday I feel as I see more Lola in him than ever. Maybe it's the cheeks or his facial structure but something inside me says Lola. I guess you could say that Milo, Finley and Lola all have a little bit of each other in them...as their mother I have to report that they are the absolute cutest. It is hard not to know the color of Lola's eyes or even know what color her hair may have changed to... Would it be thick, curly..would she be tall...the list is endless. In my mind I just picture this beautiful little baby that I got the pleasure to hold and see 5.5 years ago. She will always be my little baby girl and angel, for that I am blessed. 

Love,

Mother of an Angel

69 Months

It is my last blog entry out of Key West. In just a few weeks our family is taking another adventure to Siesta Key, another place for a new beginning. 2.5 years ago we had our house packed up on Lola's birthday, it was with such mixed emotion to leave the Monterey Peninsula. I truly felt that going to back to the Keys was part of our healing journey and here we are now with a lot of fun memories, new friends and of course Finley. I would say we did well. We have found numerous pennies on this island,have seen some of the most beautiful rainbows and always had butterflies in our backyard. My angel is with us here and wherever we head to next...That is the beauty of this journey.

I could never describe how it is to be a mom of angel...how you never go back to the person you once were or how you walk around half the time wondering "what if." I will tell you that this blog has been my experience watching Lola grow up or more us growing up together. We have come so far. I hope she likes Siesta Key and I look forward to reporting my first penny find from there.

Love-

A mother of an angel

68 Months

Journeys. I was thinking the other day of all the adventures we embarked upon with our Honda Element. The "good old" blue car that we bought over a decade ago in Key West. It's been to San Antonio, Monterey and back to its orginal home of Key West. If that car could speak, the stories it could tell. The best stories would include bringing Louie home, endless trips to the Pottery Barn outlet, afternoon drives, Milo bopping to music in the back, trip to Palm Beach, San Francisco, this car has  put on the miles. But with all the happy memories comes some of the saddest....Our last drive to the hospital with Lola. I turned Jimmy Buffet on that night, it was pitch black, the only ones on the road, hand resting on my stomach.  From that point it almost seems like a fog, the day I was discharged that car was full of flowers and not the baby girl that was supposed to be in that grey car seat in the back. Getting in that car was just the first step of our new reality, one we weren't prepared for.

So maybe I am a little more sentimental about this car, JP described it as "bittersweet." Many pennies have been displayed in it,  many tears have fallen and many songs that are "Lola's" have been played. I recall on the drive to find out her gender the song "Daughters" came on. It had to be one of our very first angel signs. The drive to pick up her ashes and the drive home stopping at a look out point staring at the ocean from this car for what it seemed like hours. It's the little girl we will never watch grow up so I guess we hold onto those memories that we do have, even the saddest ones. 

We sold the Element a few weeks ago-  it was a whirlwind surprise and a great story. Lola sure was watching over that transaction! I will always remember that blue car, it's kind of special.

Mother of an Angel 

67 Months

We have a little green sleeper....it has clovers adorned on it and a little patch on the bottom that reads, " My 1st St. Patrick's Day."  It is one of the only clothing items that I think has hung in all three of our children's closet. I would definitely rank it in the " special" clothing category. I can remember it hanging so crisp and new in Lola's closet. A little white baby hanger and holiday sleeper surrounded with dresses and pink and purple girl clothing. In Milo's it hung still unworn and eventually made its way out, fitting a little big for his first St. Patrick's day. He looked adorable! And now Finley has it- not new but broken in with a few stains/softest cotton ( better than new I call it !) He has been wearing it for months now and it is on the verge of "my legs may POP out of this Mom" stage. I had to save it for one quick last wear tomorrow before it heads to my memory box, even if it's just for a fun moment. I can picture Milo sitting in his lime green bumbo wearing it, Finley in the crawling position wearing it and with Lola I'll just imagine. All three kids have in someway shared it, it's just not another sleeper- it's the Doepke kids St. Patty's outfit- for the Angel and all.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.....

Mother of an Angel

66 Months

Lately I am amazed at how fast the days go by, there truly is some meaning to the phrase " there are never enough hours in the day." I feel like it was just a week ago when I wrote my last Lola blog and here the 16th has already come and almost gone. Never would this day go by without it being Lola's day to me, that will never change. No matter how much our lives move in fast forward or the mornings quickly become night, I always want to make time for Lola on "her day" and maybe she takes time to make a moment for us too. Like walking into the house after a play date  today and " pennies from heaven" was sounding from the tv music channel or how about leaving music class on Valentine's day and Milo spots on his own....a penny. I told him what a great valentine from Lola. Love.
I recall how days dragged on after she passed....some I thought would never end. It's another step for us. This chapter of life brings so much joy and absolute craziness but I wouldn't change it for the world. and Lola is still part of it. She is my daughter, she's my angel and we are all in it together. We are family....Taking a moment everyday to remember Lola and hoping you can find time to say "hello" to her too....or other special angels in your life.

Love- mother of an angel

65 Months

It's the start of a brand new day and when you find a shiny penny right outside your house, you can't help but think it is going to be a great one.  ( especially when it's the 16th of the month) Many people think pennies are lucky, while my pennies are a gift from my angel. It's our conversation piece. I can't describe this almost "burst of joy" I felt, funny how a penny can make you feel this way. Now my day has been no where near perfect, but it has been full of smiles, laughs, good converstion, a game of tug of war with Louie and cuddles with my boys. That's really all that counts and of course my hello from Lola. The positives will always outweigh the negatives. The sun will always shine again and there will always be lots more pennies to be found. 

Thanks Lola!

Love- 

A mother of an Angel