113 Months

Last month I was debating if I would be able able to join my best girlfriends on a NYC holiday trip. Our precious dog Louie was not doing well and I had been at the vet with him just a couple days before I was supposed to  fly out. I was so torn. I felt so bad leaving Louie and giving JP the extra stress of caring for our sick dog. He assured me he had it all under control with his a smile and a hug....I packed last minute and decided to go. Now traveling  kid free is such a strange feeling or to even have time to myself! I actually bought a magazine, it’s really the little things!  We boarded the plane and as I sat down at my aisle seat, I quickly shoved my purse below....and there was a shiny penny right in front of me. What are the chances! I smiled and took a deep breathe. It really was okay to go, see I forgot we have this amazing angel watching over us all the time and I just needed that reminder.

It ended up being an amazing trip. JP held down the fort, and  I even found another penny along the way....
Thank You Lola.

Love,
The Mother of an Angel

112 Months

The new angel ornament for Lola’s tree  this year is simple and beautiful. It’s a silhouette of a small angel with a mirrored reflection hanging from a white elegant ribbon. The white Christmas lights bounce off of it and the reflections of the glass bulbs around it make it shimmer. The pure simplicity of this ornament is my favorite thing. If you get close enough you can even  see yourself in it, and wow how things have changed since Lola left. This angel tree keeps her memory alive and helps us carry on our angel tradition and collection. One day I hope my boys will love it as much as I do....
I still enjoy hanging each ornament that we have received over the past years in her memory and thinking of the person who gave it to us. Some of those people are no longer with us, making it even more special. Merry Christmas to all...

Love,
The Mother of an Angel

111 Months

With Thanksgiving just days away the focus around our house has been “what are we grateful for.”
With so many things on the list from toys to food and family, I focused my attention on one penny I found with Finley a week ago. I still delight in finding pennies and the love the “spark” they add to our day. The days go too fast, no day is perfect, and sometimes we just need  a minute to sit in the middle of all the chaos. That penny from Lola was my breathing moment, we really need time to take more breaths and look up at the beautiful sun and sky all around us. So my penny thankfulness, made me think how thankful I was for the bright warm sunshine and white fluffy clouds on that day. ( also the BIG smile Finely got from finding a L penny!). There is always a million things to be thankful for , I’ve learned the simplest things are the best ones.

Love you Lola-

Mother of an Angel

110 Months

Lighting our Lola candle on October 15th every year and participating in the Wave of Light is very special to our family. We only use our candle on two occasions each year, her birthday and participating in the candle lighting for every baby that has left us too soon. I can’t begin to imagine all the candles that were shining bright around the world. The mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents, and friends who all share the bond of that loss. Lola may not have been with us for long but her existence and memory sure light up our hearts and minds, just like that candle flame. We put out her little white candle on my grandmother’s sparkling glass candle holder ( the one she would only take out of the China cabinet on special holidays or our Christmas cookie tea party) and we placed her beautiful picture right beside it. I think we took a moment to breathe and returned to our hustle.  A hour later, Milo blew it out with a little bit of a whistle.  The ending of another Wave of Light....

We love you Lola-

Love, 

The Mother of an Angel 

109 Months

As I walked around cleaning up around our bedroom today I noticed all my Lola treasures. Her picture next to her brothers, my healing ocean spot in PG on the wall, her silver urn, and of course our penny collection. It’s comforting to have those items near by and always close to my heart. Our lives get so busy and hectic, I honestly don’t feel like I get the chance to sit down until it’s alresdy the end of the day... but that’s okay! As I sit here tonight, the calm and quietness all around me gives me the chance to reflect on Lola’s day and take a long look again at all of her treasures. I’m always missing her....and thankful I can have these things to give my heart a little Lola dose everyday.

Love,
-the Mother of an Angel-

108 Months

For the past nine years we have established so many traditions on Lola’s birthday. Today is the day we would have celebrated her ninth birthday. There are too many things we have missed to count or even to write about. Today was the day we were supposed to do our annual Lola birthday balloons, rose, and birthday letter. It’s just what we do every year, so when we couldn’t do the balloons all together, and threw the rose in the ocean as fast as we could. It felt like  our Lola tradition were broken. There are so many peaceful moments we have spent over the years at the ocean on her birthday and just sat watching the sun glisten on the waves. Here is where we would throw our rose in and let the balloons soar to the heavens. Whether we were in Carmel, Key West or Siesta Key, we always had our water spot.  So on a side note, the red tide is so bad at our beaches that our bodies could hardly function being there today and so ended our day at the beach.

When we got in the car I felt disappointed, teary and that we had ruined her tradition. It made me stop and think how things don’t always go the way we have planned or dreamed....just like with Lola. We had plans to raise our baby girl, bring her home, watch her grow....it didn’t happen that way. Her birthday balloons may not have made it out today and the ocean was far from peaceful and serene but in the grand scheme of things, I know it doesn’t matter. I know she knows we love her. We miss her and somehow we will get those balloons out as a family.

We still planned our donation and purchased a fence picket for Lola at children’s park being developed in Sheboygan. It is being made for handicapped children, and I couldn’t think of a better birthday gift for her this year.

With Lola’s special day coming to close, I know she was loved and is loved dearly. She is remembered and not forgotten. So until we meet again...happy birthday in heaven.

We love you Lola!

Love-
The Mother of an Angel

107 Months

A week ago a “memory” came up on my Facebook account....nine years ago we must have been looking for place to live in Carmel. I recall it not being the easiest house hunt but I must have replied to someone how stressed I felt with the baby (Lola) on the way and wanted to be settled. I think that’s the typical feeling of  a 8.5 month pregnant lady! Now when I read that comment, I just had to laugh at myself because it was so minute in the grand scheme of things. Lola could have come to her first home being a Hyatt hotel and it wouldn’t have  mattered. Lola never got to come home with us from the hospital so her nursery or anything wasn’t really important. Sometimes stress and worry just consume us and for all the wrong reasons....I wish I could have had a little more time enjoying the end of my pregnancy with Lola. We did end up finding a place to live in Pacific Grove, two blocks from the ocean and it ended up being my healing spot. Walking and sitting on the same bench everyday for months...it doesn’t matter where you live, what house you live in, it just matters that you are with the people you love and make you happy.

Love you Lola!
The Mother of an Angel