184 Months

    A few nights ago the little Christmas tree in our room flickered and was faintly lit. My first thought was how it could have gone bad in only one year and I let it be. Of course, the most logical solution would have been to change the batteries on it but that was all Finley! It is bright and shining now thanks to him. I feel like we hardly enjoy the holidays anymore, it is so rushed, so much to pack in such a small time. I hate that Christmas decorations almost seem like a chore. We almost need a recharge just like the batteries for the tree so we can all shine a little brighter. I really want a moment to sit by Lola's tree and read my traditional Christmas book. At this rate, it will happen probably after Christmas. At least we got Lola's tree up and I ordered her 2024 Angel well in advance. :) I even remembered her large angel wings that we bought over ten years ago. I still absolutely adore and love her angel tree, one tradition that we can keep going for her. It is special. Finley asked if the angel he made years ago and Milo's could go right by her picture at the tipty top. It is picture perfect. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

183 Months

     The boys have been bugging me since Halloween to put up Lola's tree. It is funny how fast the transition is now from Halloween to Christmas, we miss that whole "thankful" month! I personally just need a little energy back before we jump into a new holiday. Someone even asked me about our Christmas tree's theme the other day! It is nice to share Lola with someone new and how we have been collecting angel ornaments since she passed. She is our holiday tradition. Eventually the tree will be up, along with her new ornament for the year...until then, so thankful for the chance I had to hold Lola in my arms and her angel tree. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

182 Months

   Can you believe we have been using the same candle for the last 16 years for The Wave of Light in honor of sweet Lola? I love getting the boys involved in honoring her during this special hour each year and all babies that have passed too soon. It is almost like a birthday candle! One wants to light it and the other waits patiently to blow it out. (Though the requirement is a special prayer for their sister.) This tradition we do, even the writing in this blog each month, or the angel ornaments allows us to stop for a moment in all the business of daily life and honor her memory. It is special to our family and the ways we carry on with Lola in it.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

181 Months

 I am pretty faithful about writing on the 16th of every month for Lola, it is time of peace and reflection for me. I feel deep down in my heart that I owe it to her to continue doing this, but quite honestly life has really gotten in the way of that lately. We all get in a rut. It didn't feel like the right time to write on the 16th or any day after that. That is just the curve balls we are thrown, though time in and out I remind myself to be thankful for health and the gift of a new day. Things will somehow eventually go uphill...The 16th of this month wasn't forgotten, neither was Lola. She is still in my nightly prayers and thoughts of how different life would be with her here in it. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

180 Months

        Things change, life changes, times change...I usually spend Lola's birthday feeling like I can't face the world, it is too much. Today, was different as I spent the day with 40 kindergarteres during their first week of school. I dreaded it but their smiles and hugs made the day feel a little better. I wish I could have seen Lola's first day of kindergarten and this year her first year of hight school. There are so many missed moments. It hurts, it hurts to let her go. I woke up last Saturday at around the time she was born in a complete panic, loosing Lola and the grief never goes away. 

        We have been trying to do random acts of kindness in her memory the last couple weeks. Finley bought two books and left them in librarian's mailbox today before school. We purchased a giving tree for Bookworm Gardens, bags of candy for middle school student rewards, school supplies for those in need...little things to make others smile and honor Lola's memory. Every year we pick up a beautiful bouquet of light pink roses, but Finley insisted on the hot pink roses today. So a new tradition begins...it is all about change. 

       Happy 15th Birthday to sweet Lola Grace Doepke! The hardest thing in life is to let people we love go but she is with us I know...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

179 Months

  We have been away enjoying a Midwest summer trip with our family. It has been like stepping back into my childhood, kind of whimsical. So many Lola signs too...the pennies at the airport, the Lola on the Netflix account at the home we are staying at. In so many ways, she is always with us! I am anxious to visit her brick at Bookworm Gardens and plaque at the park in the next few days with the boys too. I love those sweet tributes to her and both places will be filled with children running around, smiling, and just being kids. The way it should always be...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

178 Months

       We have just returned from a wonderful summer vacation and Lola was not shy in leaving us signs on our journey. I came home with at least 4 pennies from heaven we had found during our trip! It is so nice to know she is with our family and each time we find one we all smile at the heavens and say "Lola penny." For that one split moment in time, it feels like she is with us. It is magical and the best feeling. Love our Lola...and the penny as our sign. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

177 Months

    It is not a suprise that I am not a huge fan of Mother's Day. I count my blessings everyday for my boys but there is always the empty place in my heart for Lola and my own Mom. I often think about my first Mother's Day that was supposed to be with Lola, it was an extremley hard and very sad day. I often think it is okay to wish days like this away and what a relief it is to see the sun setting on the close of Mother's Day. We did find a penny the day before and I am taking that as a little gift from Lola. It is hard to be a mother of an angel...

Love,

Lola's Mom ( Milo and Finley's too)

176 Months

             I remember receiving a picture 15 years ago of this little tree planted on the Hyatt property in San Antonio for Lola. The managers stood around it trying to smile, and there was this little plaque with her name on it. Everytime JP returns there for work, I get a picture of the Lola tree. It is bigger, stronger, and more colorful now. I would best describe it as "full of life." Can you imagine the birds that have stopped there to rest and sing a song or the squirrels that have raced up an down those branches? Even the leaves that now fill it, make it look SO alive. It maybe the perfect resting spot for some shade in the hot Texas sun, each time someone would have to stop and  read "Lola's Tree." They may wonder who she is or what is the story of her tree.I could tell the story. It's about this beautiful angel who left us all too soon and reminds us in so many ways that she is always with us.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

175 Months

 I have said it a million times but it is amazing how angels speak to us!  I have found three pennies in the last week during spring break, I just love it.  Especially the one we found today bur Finley wanted it. He held it in his pocket all day long. When we arrived at Epcot he asked if he could throw Lola's penny out during a ride, that is a popular Disney thing to do in certain spots. Of course he could!!! So now when we ride through The Three Cabernos and see the beach towel with all the coins, we will know one belongs to Lola. It is sweet and just brings Lola closer to us during another adventure.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

174 Months

          Today, Milo and I found a shiny penny on our way out of Magic Kingdom. It couldn't have been a more magical place to find one and JP instantly chimed in to remind Mi that it was the 16th. A penny today is particularly fitting and even more special on a family outing. It just makes you smile knowing she is with us every step of the way, for the little and big things!!! I predict this penny may end up in the founatin at Epcot as wish...Milo kept this one. But today it was a great sign from our angel!

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

173 Months

      On Mondays I try to walk to the Celebration Memorial Garden. It just feels like a nice way to start the week, check in with my heavenly angels. We had placed a small angel for my dad there after he passed and this year we added another cheribum for Lola. The Gardeners had moved them recently and placed them in a beautiful patch of blooming purple flowers. It was my Monday spot. Unfortuntely last week both angels were gone. It could have been the weather, maybe they were not allowed there in the first place, or someone needed those angels more than me. Either way I will miss that "hello." It was just the spot that made me smile on a much needed Monday. I will still go and carry on with my routine, I will just have find a butterfly, bright shining sun, vibrant flower, or even a penny to see my angels.

Love Always, 

The Mother of an Angel