190 Weeks

 The last time I was in San Antonio was when I was pregnant with Lola.  Her doctor was there, her nursey was set. I always thought we would be bringing her back to meet her Hyatt family. . It was hard to come back to Texas in the sense that it was still such a happy place with her. Everything has changed but everything has also changed in Texas too. Our old house is kind of in rumbles. I don't recognize the area much anymore which makes me sad. The boys had the best time exploring though, always up for a new adventure. My favorite part of coming back to San Antonio was visiting Lola's tree. I went everyday and even was there on a flower planting day. I still think of the picture of our Hyatt family planting that tree almost sixteen years ago for her. My how it has grown! It is perfect. It is peaceful. Jp placed some rocks around the tree sign, a true sign the Doepkes were there. I hope it always remains Lola's tree and never gets forgotten. Just like Lola- always in our hearts.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

189 Months

This month I feel like we have been finding pennies in twos. In rain jackets from last hurricane season, a back pack for sleepovers, and finding two at our favorite spot in Vero Beach. Maybe it is twice the love from Lola or just the past creeping up on us. We received a picture from Bookworm Gardens a few weeks ago that had  my dad's granite book placed  a couple above Lola's, it was in the memory garden. It is sweet for their names to be so close togther and I still wish everyday wish they were both here. Life isn't as  happy as it used to be no matter what you do becasue they are always missing. The pennies and pictures bring temporary joy but maybe that is why things were coming in two this month. The two memory books are finally together. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

188 Months

 A few weeks ago I had a follow up doctor appointment, I was taken by suprise when my doctor mentioned to me she loved my "L" tatoo with the halo. It was sweet as I told her about Lola and the story behind it. It was a feel good "Lola" moment, much needed too. I can't pinpoint the craziness and challenges of all these years or why things are the way they are, but sometimes a simple conversation about a tatoo can just be enough to make a moment or day a little brighter. A good reminder of things that matter most...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

187 Months

 I asked God for a sign today. I was hopeful for a penny from Lola but instead we saw a gorgeous rainbow as we headed into Hilton Head. It was almost like we were driving to see the end of it or the pot of gold. (almost fitting for St. Patrick's Day). I did not write in the blog for Lola last month. I was late, life got overwhelming,  and it never felt like the right time to sit and force out words in her blog. I was hoping for that penny today to make sure she was somehow okay with it it. In my heart I know she is, but I still feel the guilt.  Maybe the rainbow was God's sign of saying that I can try again, get my fingers typing, and words flowing for her blog this month. Plus a promise that Lola already knows how loved she is! 

Love, 

The Mother of an Angel

185 Months

 So MANY pennies...This last month has been filled with so many pennies from heaven! I think each one of us has found one and then some. It is so nice that at the end of the holiday season, as all the twinkling lights and her angel tree has come down that we still get these little gifts from Lola. It can honestly make a trip or Disney visit that much better! I also love how Finley leaves them for me on my nightstand, he really is just the sweetest child. A penny is her way of saying "hello"  "i love you" or " you got this"...maybe even "this too shall pass." I don't know what we would ever do without these pennies these last 15 years. Thanks, Lola! 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

184 Months

    A few nights ago the little Christmas tree in our room flickered and was faintly lit. My first thought was how it could have gone bad in only one year and I let it be. Of course, the most logical solution would have been to change the batteries on it but that was all Finley! It is bright and shining now thanks to him. I feel like we hardly enjoy the holidays anymore, it is so rushed, so much to pack in such a small time. I hate that Christmas decorations almost seem like a chore. We almost need a recharge just like the batteries for the tree so we can all shine a little brighter. I really want a moment to sit by Lola's tree and read my traditional Christmas book. At this rate, it will happen probably after Christmas. At least we got Lola's tree up and I ordered her 2024 Angel well in advance. :) I even remembered her large angel wings that we bought over ten years ago. I still absolutely adore and love her angel tree, one tradition that we can keep going for her. It is special. Finley asked if the angel he made years ago and Milo's could go right by her picture at the tipty top. It is picture perfect. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

183 Months

     The boys have been bugging me since Halloween to put up Lola's tree. It is funny how fast the transition is now from Halloween to Christmas, we miss that whole "thankful" month! I personally just need a little energy back before we jump into a new holiday. Someone even asked me about our Christmas tree's theme the other day! It is nice to share Lola with someone new and how we have been collecting angel ornaments since she passed. She is our holiday tradition. Eventually the tree will be up, along with her new ornament for the year...until then, so thankful for the chance I had to hold Lola in my arms and her angel tree. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel