183 Months

     The boys have been bugging me since Halloween to put up Lola's tree. It is funny how fast the transition is now from Halloween to Christmas, we miss that whole "thankful" month! I personally just need a little energy back before we jump into a new holiday. Someone even asked me about our Christmas tree's theme the other day! It is nice to share Lola with someone new and how we have been collecting angel ornaments since she passed. She is our holiday tradition. Eventually the tree will be up, along with her new ornament for the year...until then, so thankful for the chance I had to hold Lola in my arms and her angel tree. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

182 Months

   Can you believe we have been using the same candle for the last 16 years for The Wave of Light in honor of sweet Lola? I love getting the boys involved in honoring her during this special hour each year and all babies that have passed too soon. It is almost like a birthday candle! One wants to light it and the other waits patiently to blow it out. (Though the requirement is a special prayer for their sister.) This tradition we do, even the writing in this blog each month, or the angel ornaments allows us to stop for a moment in all the business of daily life and honor her memory. It is special to our family and the ways we carry on with Lola in it.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

181 Months

 I am pretty faithful about writing on the 16th of every month for Lola, it is time of peace and reflection for me. I feel deep down in my heart that I owe it to her to continue doing this, but quite honestly life has really gotten in the way of that lately. We all get in a rut. It didn't feel like the right time to write on the 16th or any day after that. That is just the curve balls we are thrown, though time in and out I remind myself to be thankful for health and the gift of a new day. Things will somehow eventually go uphill...The 16th of this month wasn't forgotten, neither was Lola. She is still in my nightly prayers and thoughts of how different life would be with her here in it. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

180 Months

        Things change, life changes, times change...I usually spend Lola's birthday feeling like I can't face the world, it is too much. Today, was different as I spent the day with 40 kindergarteres during their first week of school. I dreaded it but their smiles and hugs made the day feel a little better. I wish I could have seen Lola's first day of kindergarten and this year her first year of hight school. There are so many missed moments. It hurts, it hurts to let her go. I woke up last Saturday at around the time she was born in a complete panic, loosing Lola and the grief never goes away. 

        We have been trying to do random acts of kindness in her memory the last couple weeks. Finley bought two books and left them in librarian's mailbox today before school. We purchased a giving tree for Bookworm Gardens, bags of candy for middle school student rewards, school supplies for those in need...little things to make others smile and honor Lola's memory. Every year we pick up a beautiful bouquet of light pink roses, but Finley insisted on the hot pink roses today. So a new tradition begins...it is all about change. 

       Happy 15th Birthday to sweet Lola Grace Doepke! The hardest thing in life is to let people we love go but she is with us I know...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

179 Months

  We have been away enjoying a Midwest summer trip with our family. It has been like stepping back into my childhood, kind of whimsical. So many Lola signs too...the pennies at the airport, the Lola on the Netflix account at the home we are staying at. In so many ways, she is always with us! I am anxious to visit her brick at Bookworm Gardens and plaque at the park in the next few days with the boys too. I love those sweet tributes to her and both places will be filled with children running around, smiling, and just being kids. The way it should always be...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

178 Months

       We have just returned from a wonderful summer vacation and Lola was not shy in leaving us signs on our journey. I came home with at least 4 pennies from heaven we had found during our trip! It is so nice to know she is with our family and each time we find one we all smile at the heavens and say "Lola penny." For that one split moment in time, it feels like she is with us. It is magical and the best feeling. Love our Lola...and the penny as our sign. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

177 Months

    It is not a suprise that I am not a huge fan of Mother's Day. I count my blessings everyday for my boys but there is always the empty place in my heart for Lola and my own Mom. I often think about my first Mother's Day that was supposed to be with Lola, it was an extremley hard and very sad day. I often think it is okay to wish days like this away and what a relief it is to see the sun setting on the close of Mother's Day. We did find a penny the day before and I am taking that as a little gift from Lola. It is hard to be a mother of an angel...

Love,

Lola's Mom ( Milo and Finley's too)