187 Months

 I asked God for a sign today. I was hopeful for a penny from Lola but instead we saw a gorgeous rainbow as we headed into Hilton Head. It was almost like we were driving to see the end of it or the pot of gold. (almost fitting for St. Patrick's Day). I did not write in the blog for Lola last month. I was late, life got overwhelming,  and it never felt like the right time to sit and force out words in her blog. I was hoping for that penny today to make sure she was somehow okay with it it. In my heart I know she is, but I still feel the guilt.  Maybe the rainbow was God's sign of saying that I can try again, get my fingers typing, and words flowing for her blog this month. Plus a promise that Lola already knows how loved she is! 

Love, 

The Mother of an Angel

185 Months

 So MANY pennies...This last month has been filled with so many pennies from heaven! I think each one of us has found one and then some. It is so nice that at the end of the holiday season, as all the twinkling lights and her angel tree has come down that we still get these little gifts from Lola. It can honestly make a trip or Disney visit that much better! I also love how Finley leaves them for me on my nightstand, he really is just the sweetest child. A penny is her way of saying "hello"  "i love you" or " you got this"...maybe even "this too shall pass." I don't know what we would ever do without these pennies these last 15 years. Thanks, Lola! 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

184 Months

    A few nights ago the little Christmas tree in our room flickered and was faintly lit. My first thought was how it could have gone bad in only one year and I let it be. Of course, the most logical solution would have been to change the batteries on it but that was all Finley! It is bright and shining now thanks to him. I feel like we hardly enjoy the holidays anymore, it is so rushed, so much to pack in such a small time. I hate that Christmas decorations almost seem like a chore. We almost need a recharge just like the batteries for the tree so we can all shine a little brighter. I really want a moment to sit by Lola's tree and read my traditional Christmas book. At this rate, it will happen probably after Christmas. At least we got Lola's tree up and I ordered her 2024 Angel well in advance. :) I even remembered her large angel wings that we bought over ten years ago. I still absolutely adore and love her angel tree, one tradition that we can keep going for her. It is special. Finley asked if the angel he made years ago and Milo's could go right by her picture at the tipty top. It is picture perfect. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

183 Months

     The boys have been bugging me since Halloween to put up Lola's tree. It is funny how fast the transition is now from Halloween to Christmas, we miss that whole "thankful" month! I personally just need a little energy back before we jump into a new holiday. Someone even asked me about our Christmas tree's theme the other day! It is nice to share Lola with someone new and how we have been collecting angel ornaments since she passed. She is our holiday tradition. Eventually the tree will be up, along with her new ornament for the year...until then, so thankful for the chance I had to hold Lola in my arms and her angel tree. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

182 Months

   Can you believe we have been using the same candle for the last 16 years for The Wave of Light in honor of sweet Lola? I love getting the boys involved in honoring her during this special hour each year and all babies that have passed too soon. It is almost like a birthday candle! One wants to light it and the other waits patiently to blow it out. (Though the requirement is a special prayer for their sister.) This tradition we do, even the writing in this blog each month, or the angel ornaments allows us to stop for a moment in all the business of daily life and honor her memory. It is special to our family and the ways we carry on with Lola in it.

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

181 Months

 I am pretty faithful about writing on the 16th of every month for Lola, it is time of peace and reflection for me. I feel deep down in my heart that I owe it to her to continue doing this, but quite honestly life has really gotten in the way of that lately. We all get in a rut. It didn't feel like the right time to write on the 16th or any day after that. That is just the curve balls we are thrown, though time in and out I remind myself to be thankful for health and the gift of a new day. Things will somehow eventually go uphill...The 16th of this month wasn't forgotten, neither was Lola. She is still in my nightly prayers and thoughts of how different life would be with her here in it. 

Love,

The Mother of an Angel

180 Months

        Things change, life changes, times change...I usually spend Lola's birthday feeling like I can't face the world, it is too much. Today, was different as I spent the day with 40 kindergarteres during their first week of school. I dreaded it but their smiles and hugs made the day feel a little better. I wish I could have seen Lola's first day of kindergarten and this year her first year of hight school. There are so many missed moments. It hurts, it hurts to let her go. I woke up last Saturday at around the time she was born in a complete panic, loosing Lola and the grief never goes away. 

        We have been trying to do random acts of kindness in her memory the last couple weeks. Finley bought two books and left them in librarian's mailbox today before school. We purchased a giving tree for Bookworm Gardens, bags of candy for middle school student rewards, school supplies for those in need...little things to make others smile and honor Lola's memory. Every year we pick up a beautiful bouquet of light pink roses, but Finley insisted on the hot pink roses today. So a new tradition begins...it is all about change. 

       Happy 15th Birthday to sweet Lola Grace Doepke! The hardest thing in life is to let people we love go but she is with us I know...

Love,

The Mother of an Angel